A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and i've been married for two years my husband is 24 we've been very happy for the past years but lately he's been treating me like he doesn't love me. i've talked to him about it and he says that he'll try to change but it only lasts about a day and then he's back to himself again. a couple months ago i met another man he's 21 and we became very good friends we have a lot in common and a month ago he confessed to me that he's in love with me. he knows that i'm married but he also knows about my problems and has told me to leave my husband and be with him but i don't know what to do i still love my husband but i'm very attracted to my friend. i don't know what to do i also know that my future with my husband will be without any children because he's sterile and i married him anyway because i love him but i want to have children. my husband is never there when i need him anymore he's always with his friends and never wants to be with me he tells me things that hurt me when i tell him that i want to be with him. and then my friend is the one that comforts me and helps me have a good time. he knows that i love my husband but also knows that i'm attracted to him and he told me that he won't back off because he knows that i won't be okay and he really wants to be with me. i don't know what to do i love my husband but he won't do anything for me he doesn't want to undergo treatment or adopt even though i told him that i want a family. i think i'm starting to fall for my friend and he told me that we should give things a try without telling anyone to see how we feel and to know if it's worth fighting for. should i go for it we've talked about not having sex or kissing just getting to know each other to see if it could be love. should i go for it? please help i really need some advice and yes i know that i rushed into a marriage too early in my life but what's done is done and i don't regret it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): Look, your friend is NOT so much of a nice guy, even if he seems to be. If he truly loved you he would understand that you love your husband and he would not try and destroy that by telling you he loves you or comforting you in a way that your husband should be doing. A guy with good moral standards and character would actually tell you to talk to your husband about all of this, or would have told you to go to your husband.
NOW, he's suggesting you cheat on your husband just 'to see how it goes'? Seriously?! He's managing to degrade you and you're letting him? He sounds pretty irresponsible and selfish to me.
As a responsible wife you should cut connections with him knowing that it may lead to something more. It's a mature thing to do because you've promised yourself to your husband and him to you, by refraining from any circumstance that could get you to feel for someone else. There will always be someone better out there for anyone, but this point is a moot point because all this is is just potential, and in a mature relationhip each person in the couple tries to become each other's perfect match.
The first priority is to focus on your husband. You need to be harsh on your friend and tell him to stay away and that he's not doing you any favours. You need to try and get your husband to sit down to a 'very serious talk'. Try your best to see if things get any better.
If things become dire, suggest divorce to your husband, see if things change. And if it doesn't and you end up in a divorce, THEN hook up with your friend.
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (31 January 2009):
 It sounds like you're trying to justify the friendship/relationship with your friend by concentrating on all the bad points of your marriage to your husband. you clearly have feelings for this friend and he has confessed to being in love with you but the grass isnt always greener on the other side and someimes we ant that which we dont already have simply because we're not allowed to have it and it makes it look more appealing to us. By all means get to know your friend but know that just by confessing to one another how you feel you really should sort your mariage out before you take steps to expand on the friendship with the new guy. Your husband might feel that something is up because perhaps your not the same towards him either now that you have felings for this other man, but that needs to be sorted. You can't help who you fall in love with but life is too short to mess people around - if the friend truly loves you, he'll wait for you - be careful that he doesnt just have an interest in you just because you're taken and unobtainable so to speak. If you really feel you want to be with this man, you really need to tread carefully and be 100% sure that you're doing the right thing - make your peace with your husband and know that once you take that jump away from him, you'll never get that back. Remember why you married your husband and talk to him, see if you can get the spark back - a life without children isnt necessary with fertility treatments and adoptions, so that is no excuse either...Take some time out for yourself and spend some time in your own head and hopefully the answer will come. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (31 January 2009):
 It sounds pretty clear to me that you still love your husband very much, just not his behavior. Both of you guys are still very young and I can tell you your husband still has some things to learn about life and marraige too. Your "friend" doesnt sound much like a good person. I know he is swept up in an affair with you, but wasnt your husband that sweet and loving before also? Who's to say this guy wont do the same thing later? Bottom line, you need to break contact with your friend and concentrate on fixing your marraige. You would regret not trying your best with someone you love. Then after a while of trying everything you can and it's still not working, then you start talking divorce. But focus on that. The other guy is just making things more difficult for you right now.
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