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I rejected her twice, when I realised I liked her she became unavailable for me, although we are still good friends! What can I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 February 2008)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

This girl and I have been pretty good friends for almost the last year, over that time she has asked me twice now to be her boyfriend. Unfortunatly both times I was scared to be in a relationship especially since I have never had one yet and I was afraid of messing something up between her and I.

Now, over time my feelings for her have grown every day and back in January I told her my true feelings for her. Unfortunatly, she says she doesn't like me anymore like that but only as a friend. Now I understand that I basically missed my chance to be with her, but what I don't understand is why at times she still acts like she is flirting with me.

Also recently me and her have been hanging out a lot more frequently, but when I ask her if she likes me she still insists only as a friend. Now recently she has been really pushing me away and has hardly even talked to me, and it started once several people found out we went out to the movies on v-day.

The only reason I can think she is pushing me away is because everyone else that knows us doesn't like the idea of me being with her, because they feel I shouldn't be with someone like her (mainly because they don't like her).....

All I know is when we are together and when we go out she is happy, but when other people found out she goes through a period of not talking to me and basically pushing me away. I just wish I knew what I could do because I really love this girl and it kills me knowing she keeps claiming she doesn't have any feelings for me.

View related questions: flirt, period

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (19 February 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

It looks like you missed the boat buddy. For one, by rejecting her twice you forced her to deal with her feelings for you, she found that she could have you as a friend and accepted that. But you just cant turn her on like a switch, it is very hard for a girl to ask a guy out and if she asked you out twice and you didnt reciprocate she has moved on from those romantic feelings.

Just be her friend and you never know you two might just hook up, but be prepared she may never come round after her two rejections.

In future be a bit more brave, a lot of relationships don't work out, it's part of your life experience. Make sure you take up the next opportunity.

good luck.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (19 February 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

It looks like you missed the boat buddy. For one, by rejecting her twice you forced her to deal with her feelings for you, she found that she could have you as a friend and accepted that. But you just cant turn her on like a switch, it is very hard for a girl to ask a guy out and if she asked you out twice and you didnt reciprocate she has moved on from those romantic feelings.

Just be her friend and you never know you two might just hook up, but be prepared she may never come round after her two rejections.

In future be a bit more brave, a lot of relationships don't work out, it's part of your life experience. Make sure you take up the next opportunity.

good luck.

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