A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi GuysI like a girl at work. She is one of the girls there who is very pretty and most guys try to flirt with her. I however don't do that much cause I am much senior to her (11 years) but there is always teasing and some tension between us. Last night after few drinks with the work group she flirted with me a lot asking me if I think she was lovely and I liked her. I said I did (cause I really do) but I did not make a move and let it pass by in a friendly manner. I am kinda regretting it now though. I am just scared it will be too awkward and she is a lovely girl. Your thought to what I should do please. Thanks
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at work, flirt, girl at work, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 August 2014):
 I think you did the right thing in NOT letting it go further. Because THAT is how a gentleman behaves, he doesn't take advantage of a drunk younger co-worker.
And I agree with Cerberus & WiseOwlE. I rarely think it's a good idea to date co-workers. So much potential drama if it doesn't work out, and some if it DOES work out. If she turns you down who knows how the rumor mill will proceed. It's just a bit unprofessional in my book.
But, if you really ARE interested, ASK her out on a non alcoholic date.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): People always cross the line, and then regret it after the fact. You didn't, and now you regret that you did. She may be a little too flirtatious for her own good, and just like a lot of male-attention. Your maturity set in, and made you behave yourself. What's wrong with that?
Idiots do stupid f*cked-up things under the influence of alcohol. Then blame it on the alcohol. Alcohol doesn't have a brain or sense of judgement. It's only a substance. Keep your proper distance, it's just flirting. You still have to face her at work, under sober conditions. It's not the age-gap, it's your sobriety when you decide to make a move.
Everything you do should be well thought-out, to avoid saying or doing something inappropriate. What if she decides to turn it on you?
It's best to approach women, especially when they work at the same place, with your sh*t together; and when you're sober. Some may think it's prudish or old-fashioned. I've learned you don't sh*t were you eat, and you don't f*ck where you work. I keep my social and professional lives separate, and it works for me.
At a work-seminar, we were told by our host-speaker that even out together in social circles or events; we are still "co-workers," and our behavior is being observed by our colleagues. Respect and judgement of our character, is based on that behavior. What they see, comes back to work.
Some are just onlookers, and some are "witnesses." Sounds quite paranoid, but I got the point.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): So you didn't let a lovely moment be ruined by making a drunken pass at a work colleague?
Gosh, you must be devastated. You don't get to experience the pleasure of the awkwardness at work the morning after or the hungover regret of not knowing how that's going to affect your work life, who from work saw it or whether she regrets it or not.
I don't mix business and pleasure, I stay away from colleagues for obvious reasons, but in your situation nothing at all bad happened, you didn't miss out on anything good and "a few drinks after work" is hardly an appropriate place to make a move on a colleague, don't you think?
If you want to pursue this girl then ask her out on a proper date that isn't after-work drinks. Even better don't involve alcohol at all.
Personally, OP, I think if this job is important to you then you shouldn't shit where you eat. But you've said you liked her, the next step is asking her out, the cat's already out of the bag so may aswell put your money where your mouth is and go for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): I have no idea what highmaintainance101 meant with "But if your a woman, then to me its not acceptable."
Anyway, you have 11 years on this woman. That means 11-years-worth of experience more than her. That is a lot. In the end, comfort with age gap is subjective. And, from what you've said, this woman flirted with you.
Just ask her out for coffee the next time you see and then get her number. If she turns you down, move on. This isn't about being a man and fighting for your feelings (because women don't do that apparently?). Just be courteous and ask her out politely. Don't push her. Don't be hasty.
Act wisely depending on her response.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): I dont see anything wrong. Your age gap 11 years is not that bad. At least your not old enough to be his dad.
But if your a woman, then to me its not acceptable.
It will just expire a few years after.
But since your a man, i think its ideal. Personally i prefer really older than me by 10 years.
So she likes you and vice versa, what drama you have? Be a man n fight for your feelings. She might be it.
You never know unless you have the guts.
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