A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for five years and have recently found out that my husband has been seeing a prostitute. When I confronted him he was sorry but I believe that he was sorry he was caught. I am very depressed and cannot stop thinking about the situation. He has made me feel really bad about myself. I dont know what to do....
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Cupidguy,
Thank you so much for such wonderful advice. I think I needed to hear your point of view as person who has been in similar situtation.
Yes I can understand what he may have been going through and I do believe that it was only for sex. I know that if my sadness and anger are set aside that my husband does love me. But I am very bitter and my distrust in him at the moment outways any sought of forgiveness for him. And the question is do I forgive him....and can I forget what has happened.
What really gets me is that my husband has put our marriage through some tuff times ( financially with his companies ). I was dragged into such stressful dramas. I managed to deal with it, sick by him, support him and carry on for the sake of the children in the hope that we would not lose everyhting that we worked for. And then he goes and does that. I really feel betrayed.
I just feel very confused by the whole situation...
Since I have calmed down abit ( lost my temper with him for a few days )I know that he has been trying to make more of an effort with me and the children But is it because he wants me to forget that this whole thing ever happened. (He wants me not to tell anyone about this situation as his reputation means so much to him ).
What must he of been thinking in his head when he was with this prostitute and they were doing it.....definitly not me and the children.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Cupidguy,
Thank you so much for such wonderful advice. I think I needed to hear your point of view as person who has been in similar situtation.
Yes I can understand what he may have been going through and I do believe that it was only for sex. I know that if my sadness and anger are set aside that my husband does love me. But I am very bitter and my distrust in him at the moment outways any sought of forgiveness for him. And the question is do I forgive him....and can I forget what has happened.
What really gets me is that my husband has put our marriage through some tuff times ( financially with his companies ). I was dragged into such stressful dramas. I managed to deal with it, sick by him, support him and carry on for the sake of the children in the hope that we would not lose everyhting that we worked for. And then he goes and does that. I really feel betrayed.
I just feel very confused by the whole situation...
Since I have calmed down abit ( lost my temper with him for a few days )I know that he has been trying to make more of an effort with me and the children But is it because he wants me to forget that this whole thing ever happened. (He wants me not to tell anyone about this situation as his reputation means so much to him ).
What must he of been thinking in his head when he was with this prostitute and they were doing it.....definitly not me and the children.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Hi again,
It is a shame to see that there are children are involved as well as it will be so much harder for you to just up and leave, but I'm sure if this is the path you are going to follow then you can find a way. He is not living up to his responsibilities as a father is he? What a pathetic excuse for a husband and father.
It is understandable when couples have children that the marriage can be put under some strain,dirty nappies, sleepless nights, tiredness all come into play, but that is where couples should talk and discuss the situation as a partnership. Him going to see prostitutes is the most cowardly way of dealing with his issues within your marriage.
Once again I feel so sorry for you, I just hope you can find the strength to deal with his disrespect of you , he is setting a terrible example to his children and being a lousy husband to you.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, but if he wont promise to change his ways ( and you believe him 100% ) then that light leads out the front door with your children in tow. Remember that in Australia I believe the minimum you can get from him with two children is 29% of his gross wages for support, but contact the social services if you are going to follow this path to see your entitlements. Hopefully he will have a smidgen of dignity and allow you to stay in the family home.
good luck and all the best mate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi male reader, collaroy.
Thank you for your response, hearing some advice from a male point of view is great to hear. His excuse to me is that he has been lonely and that I dont pay attention to him. By saying that it made me feel like it was my fault. I have 2 children by him and they are quite young in age, so alot of my time is spent catering for there needs. I am just so angry that he could do it and make out as if its ok and that I should get over it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I agree with Collaroy. It would be hard enough to forgive him if he was sorry, but if he is not sorry you will only hurt yourself more.
Separation, while very hard, seems best in this situation.
You are worth more than a cheating husband and std's. You were faithful and loving and you deserve to be happy.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (9 July 2008):
Hi,
that is totally understandable. Unfortunately a lot of men , married or not, use prostitutes.. I personally cannot figure out why having sex with a heroin addict provides pleasure. But you only have to look at any paper and see pages on pages of prostitues advertising their services.
I feel very sorry for you, if your husband is unrepentant then he most likely is going to continue using them. Which puts you at risk of of a sexually transmitted disease.
If you think he is prepared to change his ways and you still love him , you may be able to get him to go to counselling services with you. But if he's not I suggest you move out and start seperation proceedings. The damage to your self worth must be immense knowing that he receives gratification elsewhere.
Confide in your family, fear not any reprisals, his sleeping with prostitutes is not your fault and you should not care about exposing him. Hopefully a family member can put you up for a while as well.
good luck for your future.
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