A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for five years. We have a 3 year old son together, my partner works full time, i work part time (i don't earn very much) but my partner is the one who brings in all the money and pays most bills (i do help out too). I am in very unhappy relationship with him, we argue constantly, its starting to affect our son, my little boy has turned miserable, and i know its down to us. I try speaking to my partner about how this constant arguing is affecting our son and his reply is "no its because he is spoilt". He never listens to me, never has time for us, and constantly nags at me. Everytime we argue he threatens me, saying hes going to throw me out, he says its up to him because hes the one that pays the rent and bills so he has power over everything. He hates me going out with my friends and he hates my family. I really want to leave but i have no money to leave and i feel trapped. I don't think i love him anymore after all the names hes called me over the years. I don't know what to do, I'm very down and feel like there's no way out of this for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2014): The sooner you take action the better. It will get a LOT worse if you leave it. You are right to think that this will negatively affect your son if you stay - he will become increasingly miserable due to his Dad's awful attitude.If you have a supportive family then go to them for support.And issue divorce proceedings.Your husband, if he continues to work for an employer, will have no choice but to pay you maintenance. The only danger will be if he stops work and becomes unemployed long term - I never received a penny in maintenance for my daughter, now 26, because her father refused to work in all that time - OR if he becomes self employed he can find ways to manipulate his accounts to make it seem like he cannot afford to pay you anything. The other problem could be if he goes on to have more children, he can argue he has to pay for them (I think, but I'm not entirely sure about which child takes priority in this case, so worth checking).If you are in part-time work then that's great and stands you in good stead to take on full time work as and when you are ready to do this. You're in a stronger position than you think. It's possible you may be eligible for assisted housing - I never was, because I was always working and seen as self sufficient, despite earning a pittance initially - so, again, worth checking this out before taking action. Go to CAB - it can be difficult to get a time slot for an advisory meeting, but worth the bother. Otherwise, consult a lawyer before you take action.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 June 2014):
 If you leave and can still work you will get support from Child Tax Credits, Housing Benefit etc so your income, with the money from child maintenance payments, will be enough to live on.
If you can go to family until you save enough to rent somewhere it's the best move.
Contact a solicitor and/or CSA to sort out money for your child but be prepared to wait.
You can do it and the sooner your out the better for you all because at the moment none of you are happy, your partner included.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Yep, get away from him to your family (mother, father, sister, brother, good friends) and divorce him in the courts. Spousal support is still there in the UK, so talk to your husband through the courts when it comes to custody and support.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2014):
 Do you have any support in your family? If so, I'd suggest you move out and in with family til you an find a full time job (or stay with him til you have a full time job) YOU need to find a way to support yourself and your child.
GET YOUR ducks in a row and then leave. Make sure you set up a visitation agreement and file for child support/maintenance.
Make sure there are no pregnancies or other reasons to stay. It's a BIG step being with someone to being a single mother, but life is really too short to be this miserable.
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