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age
30-35,
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writes: So I just found out that my friend's sister just died friday night. I went to highschool and two years of college with her but this is the first time we have spoken since she transferred universities. Her and her sister were really close, spent all their time together. they were more like best friends than just ordinary sisters. My friend is my age (20) and her sister was just 18. My friend is shattered to say the least. I have no idea what to say or do. I've never been to a funeral before. They are christian but im not sure what specific kind. Her sister was hit by a semi truck friday night. the police are still investigating to determine what happened so Im not even sure when they are having the funeral. I just want to know, what is usually the customary thing to do? Besides show up in all black and offer condolences, do i bring flowers, food, money? Im Muslim so our traditions are completely different. And how long do most families wait to hold a funeral, especially given the circumstances? And are all open to the public, do i call ahead or just show up? I want to be there for my friend but im unsure of what to do. Any advice would be really appreciated.
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reader, baddogbj  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Most younger Christians are also pretty unsure about the traditions surrounding funerals because, when we are young we do our best to pretend that death doesn't exist.
When someone is feeling shattered by the death of a loved one - particularly a tragic early death such as this, the support of friends really makes a huge difference. When I was young I never knew what to say, so I didn't say anything - completely wrong - don't impose, don't get in the way but get in touch, say something and give some love to your friend when she needs it most. In future months don't avoid the topic, don't pretend that her sister never existed (unless of course she tells you that she doesn't want to talk about it.)
If you knew her sister yourself then let her know that you saw what a wonderful person her sister was. Remind her of some happy event or some great thing that her sister did. Let her understand that her sister touched your life as well. It will mean a lot.
When my father died a few years ago we got hundreds of letters and faxes from all kinds of people, some were pages long, some just a few lines but my sisters and I read every one of them. It gave me incredible comfort to know that it wasn't just me that thought he was the most wonderful man ever but that all of these people had been touched by him. Many people wrote with stories about him that none of us even knew about. It really helped. Since that time, without really meaning to, I tend to divide my friends into 2 categories, those that took the time and effort to get in touch with me that week and those that didn't.
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