A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23 and me and my bf have been together for almost 3 years. The first year he did a lot of bad things and I wished that I had broken up with him but I stayed with him to try to make it work. He is a much better boyfriend now but I have a hard time forgetting the past. I don't trust him and I'm still angry at him for some things he did to me. He loves me and we talk about getting engaged later this year. I'm really confused because I really want a wedding and to have kids soon, I love him, and am scared to start dating new people but sometimes I can't stand him. Should I dump him or stick with him because he will marry me soon?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (1 February 2009):
It's clear that the wedding and kids is the only reason you are staying with this guy and trust me, if you go through with it you will wake up in 5 years time miserable and trapped.
Think about your dream wedding. Do you want to look up and promise to love someone forever and actually mean it? Or do you want to say the words and them to sound perfect and have a big dress, but it to all be show for that one day and then be stuck.
If you want marriage and kids and he is not perfect then stop messing about and wasting time with him and get out there and find your perfect groom.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 February 2009):
 "I really want a wedding and to have kids soon".
Followed, almost as an afterthought: I love him. BUT that small token of affection is IMMIDIATLY followed by "am scared to start dating new people"
Sometimes a lot is said by the way we say things rather then what we are actually saying.
Tell me, is this marriage a desire for marriage and kids or a desire to share your rest of your life with THIS person?
Are you in love or in love with being in love?
I think the answer is clear in how you tell your story. You don't love him, you just want to get married. That is not a recipe for a happily ever after.
Create a life for yourself without depending on a partner/husband. Then you will be much happier and stronger and you can wait for the right person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): Dont do it just to get married. If you cant imagine your life without him, then stay. But a divorce with children is a lot harder than waiting for the real Mr. Right to marry you. I'm 24 and going through a nasty divorce, i have two beautiful children who are the ones who are hurting the most. Dont marry or have children with him unless you can honestly forgive all the wrong he has done. Trust me, it never gets better when you start off on the wrong foot.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (1 February 2009):
 If you don't trust him now, you wont trust him later.
Getting back in to the dating scene can be scary, but after a while, you'll be fine.
Getting married and having kids is a wonderful and beautiful thing, but it must be with someone that you love adore and respect. It sounds like there are a couple of those lacking in your current relationship! You are still quite young, you have so much life ahead of you. Do not waste it away on a relationship that does not make you happy.
It is one thing to go into a relationship all starry eyed and happy, then be disappointed, but to go into it with doubts and hesitation, is only asking for problems!
Long ago, I was in a similar situation. I was reluctant, but wanted so badly for things to work out. A much older friend said to me,
" You can give it your best, there may be highs, but there are going to be lows. The lows will be much worse than you are feeling now. It isn't going to get any better than it is right now"!
A beautiful wedding is every girls dream. Make positive it's with the right man!
He's out there, you just haven't found him yet.
Joe~
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