A
female
age
36-40,
*onfusedandCreepedOut
writes:Okay so I'm in college...and I love history. I want to be a history SOMETHING. I'm not sure yet but I've always liked, respected, adored my history teachers since I was little. I have this teacher now though...I've been in the class 9 weeks...he's 60 years old and we've been through SO much together. I'm not IN love with him. lol. I dont KNOW him. This might get long so my question is HOW do I stop liking him? I'm so in LUST/Historylove with this guy that I feel sick a lot and shakey. Not IN class because thats when I'm getting my fix but when I LEAVE him. When I walk away I feel like a crazy person. I've obviously liked guys before but this is getting crazy and I still have three weeks left in this class. I'm desperate for something to happen! Anything...it all started the first day when he asked everyone what they LIKED to do. Most people said the normal things like baseball, movies...ect. He got to me and I said "History!" He smiled all delighted like and said "yeah????" I was like "Oh well mainly anything from 1500s to the late 1800's" and he teaches TO me. I sit in the FAR left corner of the room and he FACES that way and looks me in the eye the whole class. There has only been TWO instances when he didn't and I felt...sick...horrified...CHEATED even. He did it once for a whole class and I have no idea why. The second time he did it he started out facing away from me then a couple of glances to me then a couple more..then finally he faced me again. I talked to my psychologist about and he keeps saying things like "its a crush" blah blah blah...yes I know it is! I dont LIKE IT. It would be okay if I "liked" him like I have other teachers...for their brains or looks but this is different. I dont LIKE IT. I'm miserable. There was a power outage at one point and he dismissed the class but we had talked a few times and he knew that I had another class several hours later so he invited me to spend it in his office with him while we waited to see if the rest of the day would be cancelled.(which it eventually was a couple hours later) We sat in his office and this is when we talked about my age and his...he's 60. I'm 25. He was in the vietnam WAR FOR PETES sake. His hair is gone. He is all wrinkled. I could just fall into his eyes though. We talked about our lives and his kids. We..bonded I felt like. We exchanged personal e-mails and I have e-mailed him a couple of times...about school! No response from that e-mail so I sent those to his school one and he responded. I have NOT sent him anything personal to that e-mail I'm kind of afraid to. We both are obsessed with southeast asia/malaysia/indonesia...and he has his doctorate in asian studies. So we seem to facinate each other. After class I walk up to him and tell him whats on my mind. Questions I have. Books I've read. He suggests books/movies... We watched a movie in class once and I loved it so much that I researched it more and found a video he had never seen and sent it to him. Another girl found it and while I was talking to him after school once she came up and started telling him but he interupted her and said "my name already sent it to me" *sighs* I just spent yesterday in his office with him talking for two hours.....and today I avoided him but I ran into him in THREE places that I usually dont go to around campus but I had to go to the bathroom once and the other time I was talking with another teacher and ran into him. I...i'm not getting anything other then the desire to talk to me...and winks. Squeezed shoulders...and his smiles. Oh..I just feel like I'm melting when I make him smile. I'm not in any way WANTING to ruin his life or whatever but I'm crazy for him. I'm confused and like my username...I'm creeped out because of my attraction to him. He's 60! I dont have a problem with it obviously but I do with OTHER 60 year olds. I'm horribly confused by my attraction. He wears sweaters with buttonups under them and socks with his SANDALS for pete's sake!!!! Ewww! I feel like he's some kind of beacon of sexual attraction though. I've only dated guys my age...except one that was 10 years older and then all of a sudden this!? I've adored other history teachers before..and I've lusted after them because of their bodies and minds but this is on some kind of alien level. I PULSEEE around him. All it takes is one of those smiles directed my way and i'm WET...which is becoming a sort of problem too. I'm "going to the bathroom" more often to keep clean. I have to change my underwear when I get home even though I take showers in the morning every day. I haven't told anyone about this. I know my friends wouldn't understand. *sighs* Talk to me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): You said you spoke to your psychologist about this. Can I infer that you are taking an SSRI antidepressant? If so, that is your likely culprit here. SSRIs are notorious for causing side effects of increased libido and inappropriate sexual thoughts. If you're taking an SSRI, don't suddenly stop, as that can be dangerous to your neurochemistry. But do talk to your psychiatrist about changing the kind of SSRI you are taking. Some SSRIs are less likely to cause this side effect than others.
If you aren't taking an SSRI then all I can suggest is this:
The next time you start to have romantic feelings towards him, thing about the odds that you'll spend your 30th birthday standing over his casket.
A
female
reader, ConfusedandCreepedOut +, writes (31 May 2010):
ConfusedandCreepedOut is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo far so good...i haven't seen him since friday and the feelings have definatly waned. I feel normal again... that pinching really works!
I'll update after i see him tomorrow...
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A
female
reader, ConfusedandCreepedOut +, writes (28 May 2010):
ConfusedandCreepedOut is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI WROTE this QUESTION!
I met his children today. :| He sat them down next to me and when I asked if it was bring your kids to school day or whatever he said that his ex-wife had given him them for the whole weekend including monday. I was like wow lots to do in this weather (its real bad right now) and he laughed but I was like "Oh except I heard that it will be nice on sunday and monday" and he said "great......." He went to the front of class and I looked at them and should have just turned my back and not talk to them at all. I just love kids SO muchhhh. I can't WAIT to have kids. I've tried to have them. Some of my own but I've always had trouble conceiving... and I have dated guys who have had young kids before. NOT because they did! Not! I always find it out later and love it. I found out their ages and names and the boy (I'm not going to post names) had a nasty cold and kept figetinig around and his chair made a loud squeak! I was like *gasps* what did you doo?? lol and we laughed....I'm charmed. Charmed people.
I doubt he'll read this because I have convinced myself I'm a crazy person and that he doesn't even THINK of me outside of class. If he read all this of course he would KNOW it was us.
He lent me a book he got from cambridge its so awesome looking. I took it home and opened it up and he had booked marked the sections that I needed to read. One was a folded piece of paper that says "DVD 1073" so I went to the library with a friend (the school library) and found the DVD....which is a documentry that I've already seen and I cant wait to thank him for the clue/note but that I've already seen it....the second bookmark is a small slip of white paper that has a read heart on it done in marker and inside someone drew a little face and sunglasses in red crayon....one of the kids?
thanks so much! I have tried the "you dont like" him thing and i still say it and i also have the list of things that i dont like about him and that i'm not supposed to LIKE. Like when he puts on chapstick... *sighs* His wrinkles..he's lost all his hair...i dont like those in OTHER guys..but i love them on him. I know that his skin will be a little loose if I touched it. Even his socks with sandals i love...
I will try the pinching thing...that sounds good. I can start that right now and its easy. I'm NOT going to tell him I loved and watched that dvd. I'm going to remain silent. I'm not going to talk to him anymore unless I need help. I'm not going to even THINK about him!
I went through all my friends friend lists on myspace trying to find a guy to focus my crush on. Nothing....
I'm afraid that I'll be crushed when this quarter is over. I'm afraid that I'll live for the moments I see him....
*pinches self*
that...actually hurt. hahahhaha
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): It's just something sexual. Don't let yourself get carried away with attraction.
Go to class but avoid him otherwise as much as possible. It's just 3 more weeks, right? Just focus on your other classes instead and focus on your grades. You will get through this. Lay low.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): when I fall for people I don't want to, I try repeating a mantra of 'you do not like him. you do not like him. you do not like him' and also start thinking of all the things I actually don't feel attracted to at all. and here it's ok to de creative or even try to be prejudiced. anything that will work is good. for example one guy I thought of how uncomfortable his bald head would feel under my hands or the sound another guy made when he laughed that I didn't like. make sure to make the list long, and repeat it to yourself whenever you see the your teacher. you will start seeing more negative things and also your mind will start believe in what you tell it.
you can also try changing your behavior with some sort of light punishment for yourself. if you think thinks you don't want to think, pinch yourself hard. do it every time you think things you don't want to think. (this method is used in changing other behaviors like thinking negative thoughts etc with often good results)
do not get yourself involved anymore with him. Avoid him. Keep avoiding him as much as possible. Don't talk to him more than necesary. avoid eye contact.
I'm not sure this is what you wanted to hear, but that's what I think you should do. good luck.
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