A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi i read an email which my boyfriend had sent to a work colleague on new years eve, saying how he is upset she is being distant, and how he wishes that she thought of him in a different way. he goes on to say that he is older, they do the same job, and he gets along with her son, so it would work.i confronted him about this, and he said that he was having a down moment, then told me that in the past she has always told him she only thinks of him as a friend, and that she has not replied to him. i know that this woman has became single again about two months ago, and they do work together, also he visits her home occasionally to collect/drop work off.i am feeling very hurt and lonely as i know he would rather be with her, please help anyone with advice. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (2 January 2009):
 Well he told you the reason why,look on the bright side he not with her he's with you..
Don't beat yourself up about what you haven't got enjoy what you have got..
Your never going to be able to control ones mind or desire,I feel its safe to say people will tent to dream or wish for something better than they already have..
Yea I know its going to hurt but look on the bright side its only text worry more if he don't come home at all then you know your in troubled waters..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): Firstly I am glad you confronted your man about this. It is clear that he has more than just 'friends' feelings for this other woman and is pro-actively pursuing her. What is confusing is that to be talking about him getting on with her son is quite an advanced discussion mentally and it sounds to me as though they / he have been talking about getting together (the pros and cons) for some time - its not something you just blurt out. I am sorry to sound blunt but I think you are owed a bit more information from him. If he is not forthcoming you must give him an ultimatum. Those kinds of conversations are not a 'low moment' they are as a result of something more longstanding - even just feelings - but he is playing you for a fool. To be thinking of her and the 'possibilities' on New Years eve is emotionally cheating and cruel to you and you deserve better. Maybe he expects you to just roll over and take this. Unfortunately you are not going to trust him now and its not your fault. I'm not sure what your living arrangements are (whether you live together) but its time to look at YOUR OWN life. Regain a sense of control rather than your boyfriend calling the shots. If you think he's worth it he needs to recognise what he might lose if he carries on this charade with this other woman. If you think its too late then make 2009 the year you set yourself free. If you can get nothing more about this matter out of your boyfriend then maybe its time to confront the other woman. I'd have been tempted to pretend to be your boyfriend and see where the emails went. But maybe don't take that last bit of advice !!!
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