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female
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anonymous
writes: So here's the thing. I met my boyfriend over a year ago at a time where I have just gotten out of my first relationship. I was devastated that things ended between me and what I thought was my first love. My current boyfriend helped me through the rough times and we ended began dating. We had sex (my first time) early on in the relationship and because of that I have always regarded sex as, well, sex. This led me to cheat on him a number of times. Some with just kissing, two with sex. I came clean with him a few months back and he said that if I even hurt him like I did at that moment he'd be gone. I agreed and we worked things out then he left for an 8 month trip and it took its toll on me. I cheated on him again... I am torn between telling him because I know it will mean the end and not. When I kept it from him the first time it killed me inside, but I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (26 July 2006):
 Once again I agree with Pete. There is nothing more I can add except, What if he did you this way? I really feel like he is a rebound guy that went too far. And Iris26 shame shame!!! It doesn't matter what he did in the 8 months he was gone, she knew she was in a relationship when she cheated. So no matter what HE did she was still wrong!!! Like I said I agree with Pete. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): I agree with the first advice - if you love him, tell him. Maybe he will give you another chance, you never know. But, you can't seriously expect to keep this from him - what kind of relationship would that be? One without trust and honest is not a relationship at all.
If things don't work out, I think it would be a good idea to stay single for as long as it takes to really look in to why you couldn't stay faithful to someone; there are reasons to it, and until you work out what they are, and change, you will be destined to repeat the same mistakes again in the future.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, iris26 +, writes (26 July 2006):
ooh ouch! I really feel for you on this. First off I would consider what you feel you would gain from telling him? Is there a chance he would find out for himself in the future? If so then yes, come clean now. However, if you feel that there is no possibility of him finding out from outside influences than I would keep quiet about this. Telling him would do your relationship no favours, and would only serve to appease your guilt.
Finally I would ask myself: are you 100% sure he was faithful to you whilst he was away? 8 months is a long time to go without any affection. Would you yourself want to know if he had cheated on you? Personally I would treat his return as a fresh start for both of you - forget the past and concentrate on your new future together.
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A
female
reader, moonkitten83 +, writes (26 July 2006):
 well u know what they say about leopards and spots! To be honest i would guess u don't really love this person - you care about him yes but not love. If u truly love someone u wouldn't do it in the first place or would have said something by now!
I feel sorry for him and I think he deserves the truth atleast! and let him decide whether he wants to stay with you. personally I would understand if he walked!
cheating once and never doing it again because u felt terrible is sometimes ok, but repeatedly doing that to someone! well its not nice
be honest, coz it will come out one way or another! it always does! you can't blame cheating on him going away for 8 months! its no excuse at all!
tell him the truth, otherwise your guilt will overwhelm you! it's better you tell him now than further down the line - it'll only cause more heartbreak!
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