A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi im nina,and I have a problem. well its troubling. i met this guy online and we were just friends, then we got it up a notch and had phone num. we were friends but i didnt take it seriously I mean I was just looking for a friend to talk to ( and that was stupid of me )We started to talk and things got a bit hot which i didnt want. I sometimes cant say 'no' easily and so.. just frustrates me! :( anyways, when we met I was so worried but it was ok. I just like him as a friend and he loves me. so every time he calls I dont answer, nor his text msg's. I just dont want! I just 'woke up'. when we were together, we kissed and hugged, but he wanted more and i didnt want, but of course i gave in. we had foreplay.. didnt really have sex. after that we kissed and so.. I didnt like what I was doing! Really im so silly sometimes! after that, I got use to his calls and so. then i started to have feelings for him then I started to think why, and there was no reason, just because of his kisses, nothing else. Could that mean lust? lol. then my feelings for him faded plus i started to cant even stand his voice. and thats the case now. we've only been together for 2 days plus the talking on the phone, texting.. and I just cant stand him..even if we were intimate i still didnt like it..:/ he's even coming to my gym club. This monday he'll be a member. omgosh. i just dont like him! i care but just as a friend. from before i thought i had more feelings for him. i just dont want what he had, i dont want to remember either.. that was my first time being to intimate with a guy and it was crap really..but it was my fault from the beginning.. arhh.. and now i dont know what to do. since i met him, i started to hate myself.. i just dont have feelings anymore.. thats the feeling i get.he says he loves me, and cares and so. says he cant leave me and blah blah. we argue alot, then friends again but im just fid up really..Im not attracted to the guy! arhh. Sorry if you think this is weird, but thats my problem..P.S. I havent been thinking...!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for the help means so much.
Funny he wants to meet me, for a 'talk' and I dont want. I said 'no' he made such a fuss about it, Omg! He says 'wants to see me again' Really i tried to tell him ' I dont like you ' arhh...
He ruins my day, or i get a silly mood!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Ah! Stalker!! I had one like this. In the end i just had to be blunt. It was harsh but the only thing that he would take notice of. You need to do nothing short of a "I am not interested in you, your attention is making me feel uncomfortable, I do not want to see you" message. Don't consider being his friend - it honestly won't work, it'll just build his hopes up for something more in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I don't think your problem is weird at all. It sounds like a really difficult position you are in.
Firstly, stop being so hard on yourself! You got to know this guy, things happened, and you realise you don't want a relationship with him. That's okay. It sounds like this situation has gotten complicated though, because you are finding it hard to say what you really want. I do understand that feeling. I find it difficult to be upfront with people sometimes, and so can get into situations I am not comfortable with.
But this is concerning me, because you shouldn't ever feel pressured to do anything you don't want. Even if the pressure is coming from you! I know it is hard, but I really think you need to try and be honest with this guy as soon as possible. It is unfair for him, as he may think you feel the same way he feels about you. And it is unfair for you, because this is clearly making you feel bad.
You said that since meeting this guy, you have started to hate yourself. I am so sorry you are feeling like that. But it is a big sign for you to get OUT of the relationship. This is obviously very destructive on you, and you are struggling. I really do feel it would be best to tell this guy you just don't have feelings for him, and don't want to be with him. It may be hard to do, but I think it has to be done for your sake. I'm also not sure it would be a good idea to try and stay friends with him, as it will just leave the situation open and may be confusing. I think it might be best to try and make a clean break, if possible.
Try not to feel bad for what has happened. I have done things in the past which I knew I didn't want to, but you learn from those experiences. Maybe this experience can teach you to love and value yourself more. I think it will also be a good idea to try and work on improving your confidence, and in being more assertive with people. That way, you will be more confident in handling situations like this in the future, and will feel more able to say "no" to people.
I hope something here helps. Please try and think about yourself and what you want this time, not what this guy wants. Do what is best for you. Good luck, I hope everything works out well. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Yeah, you have a hard time saying NO. I understand you though, I suffer from the same problem. Its difficult to say no. And especially because we do care about others, but just as friends! I came to realize that there is no way to let people down easily and still maintain a friendship. And you know what? Its not your fault. All you wanted was a friend, and he pushed the limits, and read your friendship as an invitation for more. Then when you failed to say no right from the start, he continues to mis-interpret you.
He thinks you're into him. How old is he btw?
Just because HE has a problem reading people and controlling himself (I mean him joining your club is a bit over the top), doesn't mean YOU have to follow up on it. Let him down harshly. Say NO! And if he gets mad at you, so what. He was the one who wanted to risk the friendship by taking it further. You gave it a try, and didn't like it. Just back away and tell it to him straight: I DONT LIKE YOU, SO BACK OFF
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