A
male
age
36-40,
*oe culls
writes:dear cupid.I will be as honest as possible . I met a girl online. We started chatting everyday. Soon afterwards, we exchanged numbers and we immediately began making voice calls. We decided to hook up for coffee . The first time I lay my eyes onto her real image, I developed a strong liking. She was just what I needed. We took coffee but since it was a friday, we decided to extend it deep into the night. It felt like we knew each other from our childhood. Fortunately, she liked me too and after three weeks we made it official. Our love was so strong, calling messaging chatting going out together. It was perfect. We were seeing each other everyday, she would spend days at my place and ad do the same at her place. After one month into it, I started feeling monotonous. I wanted a break. I was suffocating. I told her but it didn't go well with her. I took back my words and we decided to work it out. Two days later, she started to ignore me. That's when I realised I couldn't do without her. I managed to get her back on track and soon we were head over hills again. After two months, I made another mistake. We were out together having fun and a series of things happened to make us mad at each other, I left her at the club but came back and dragged her home. I apologised the next day and she acknowledged her mistakes too. We decided to put it aside though it still stayed in mind. A week later we went out again. This time we got into a fight that she came back to the house alone. I had hurt her badly. I didn't bother though I knew the magnitude of my mess. The next day she couldn't hear any word from me, she packed a few of her stuff and went to her place. For a week we barely talked though we'd still send each other texts and make calls. Before she left, our sex life had become a little light and anytime ad make an advance to her she would reject me saying she wasn't in the mood. She had become sexually inactive towards me. A week after she had gone, she came back on saturday evening, we talked and we even slept together but no sex ' after her rejection again.' the next day we were just okay and then in the afternoon, I decided to try make the advances again, I held her tight and started kissing her all over, but she became too violent for me, she claimed I wanted to rape her. She packed all her things and left. its been one week now, communication has died, no texts reply, sometimes she picks her phone but most times she doesn't. I have really apologised. I have acknowledged my mistakes and said sorry again and again, I have talked to her friends and used even my own friends to calm her down but she wont hear a thing. today, exactly one week is when she deleted our facebook pictures. It really hurt me. clearly I never meant to hurt her I see my future with her because she is the best girl I have ever had. I have brought her a bottle of wine, to show her just how sorry I am but I dont know how to take it to her when she doesn't feel like seeing me, I know she loves me but am not sure of it right now I want her back and this time I will do anything to keep her by my side. What do I do?? Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): You need to give her space. You properly frightened her and even though you didn't mean to you need to respect her and back off.
A bottle of wine isn't really going to make up for how she feels and what has happened. I would drink the wine yourself and take notice of aunt honesty as I agree with how she said to process.
A
female
reader, Chippy2  +, writes (13 December 2010):
What were you two fighting about if you seemed so happy. Fighting so fiercely that you LEFT her and after the next argument SHE left you at the club?
Do you have mutual friends who are mostly singles or couples?
Good luck - I agree - but I would let her know now somehow that you are interested in working things out and that you will give her time. Decide then between the two of you how long that might be and agree to connect before or at that date.
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A
male
reader, joe culls +, writes (13 December 2010):
joe culls is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you aunt honesty.
I will do so but I had bought her a bottle of wine, do I take it to her or do I just not contac her for the next couple of days?
again, girls are very hard to understand, what if she is playing hard to get with me and only want to know how far I can go to bring her back?
and what if if I go for those two weeks without talking to her she accuse me of not caring?
she is very intelligent and she can twist anything to favour her verdict but I loved her that.
again, she kind of checks my status updates on facebook and if they are offending she updates hers to counter mine.
like yesterday I wrote something on insignifance of some people in my life n after 1 hour she counterd that with a very confusing update, saying" you cant replace him.....he is better by far!"...what do you think and what i do about this facebook friendship?
i dont have trust issues with but many guys were so after but am the one she chose...
but I do agree with you completely.
thank you
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 You need to give her space and let her come to you. She is angry at the moment and its clear that she doesnt want to talk to you at the moment therefore take a step back and dont contact her give her a chance to breath and think things through.
She became distant towards you sexually am sure this was down to the fact that you were both arguing and not getting along well at the time, then you kept making advances and you obviously held her in a way that scared her when she thinks you were trying to rape her, it sounds like you have really scared her and you need to give her time.
How about you dont contact her in the next two weeks, if she doesnt contact you with in that time then maybe you could write her a letter to her house, tell her that you want to work things out and you will try very hard to get the relationship back on track, tell her you never intended to hurt her and that you were not trying to rape her that you would never hurt her in that way, tell her how much you love her in your letter, but also tell her you respect her and that you didnt want to contact her as you wanted to give her space but tell her you would love to hear from her and if she feels the same way then ask her to give you a text. But also explain in the letter that if she doesnt text you then you will accept that she doesnt want to talk to you and that you will leave her alone and not contact her.
If she doesnt text you then am afraid you need to accept that it is over and that you need to move on with your life believe me you will probably get your heart broken a few times in life.
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