A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I wish I asked my mum this before she died… It was just us. No dad in the picture. I had a nanny when I was a kid but I spent a lot of time with her too. She used to take me to work after school and I loved spending time in the theater, playing with costumes, props… We used to talk about (almost) everything. I knew where she kept the money, her dad’s gun (no bullets), car keys… She never tried to hide any family problems (when her sister had a bout of depression I knew…). But, there were some things we never discussed despite the fact that she had never set some taboos on purpose. She just didn’t mention them and I never asked. Growing up in this atmosphere I didn’t think that it was weird, even though I knew that my friends’ moms were different.We never discussed her private life in great detail, nor mine for that matter, and a part from “the birds and the bees” (I don’t remember the actual conversation, but I somehow knew the facts ;), we never ever mentioned sex. And we never ever, not once, mentioned my biological father. There were many single moms around us, whose children were “fatherless”. But, they all knew who their fathers were. Even if they almost never talked about them. I, on the other had created my own reality, where all that now seems unusual, seemed normal.Now, as an adult it all feel so strange… we shared so much, except this. She really had faith in my judgment and abilities. I always felt deeply loved and respected. She died while I was in college. I never got to talk to her about this… Her sister died before her, there’s literally no one else.This isn’t about my biological father (I discovered who he was and talked to him once before he died, got to meet his older daughter and sons). It’s really about me trying to understand this nuance of our relationship, or the lack thereof. Maybe she waited for me to ask, to talk about some things…
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really do feel loved by her... maybe it's just a period when I miss her more than usual when I start asking questions... I wish we had more time.
I know she did the best she could. I just hope that she would have been proud of me, because looking back I feel nothing but love, respect and pride for her. I know how lucky I am to have had her....
Thank you again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers!I don't know much about him and I already tried talking to the people that knew my mom. From the stories I've heard, I gathered he suffered from a PTSD (he was in the resistance during the World War II and his father was executed in the street- he was at least 16 years older than my mum... and I know how weird this sounds). He was unable to care for a family, but that didn't stop him from having three children (that I know of) with three different women. Other than that, he was incredibly fun to be with. I guess that's the mess she wanted to protect me from. And she didn't want to lie and say that he died, while he lived in the same town. I'd like to think that she didn't do it because she thought I was too weak and that I couldn't handle it. I'd like to think that once she started going down that road, it was difficult for her to just change the direction one day... and we both thought we had more time. I just sometimes feel so confused when I look back at my childhood and teenage years. Funny thing, I do write here and there... but I never seriously thought about writing about this, although all my stories revolve around family secrets in a way... Thanx again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): What really stood out from all this is that you were loved by your mother. That's the most important thing that she cared about you and treasured you, her sweet precious daughter. I don't think it's always a good idea to go looking for answers. You would just get an idea of interpretation of their thoughts. It would be their account which might be quite different to how she really felt inside. Hold your memories close to your heart and in time learn to accept your beautiful mother for the way she loved you deeply. Nothing else really matters.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): Do you know anything as to what was the nature of their split? Were they together for a length of time?
Do you know anyone that she was close to at the time when she met your father, whom you could get in touch with and ask?
If it was a painful break up, for whatever reason, or even if your mother had some regrets- wishing it had worked out or what have you; then perhaps it was simply painful for her to talk about at all, not just to you?
What I'm saying is, her not choosing to talk about it might not have been about you, but about her own feelings towards her relationship or lack if this with your father?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): Seems like a complex, interesting relationship. The taboo matters are open to interpretation. I don't know why she never mentioned your father. Maybe she knew something about him that you dont, that she felt would harm you. But I'm just guessing as really I have no clue.
Just a hunch, but I feel like you should write a memoir. Reliving your past through writing could help you remember things that might help you find some closure and figure out this puzzle. Or at least draw your own conclusion from it as you see it.
Not only that but maybe you could be the next best selling author because of your story.
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