A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy since September of last year. If we aren't around each other, then we're always on the phone at least 3-5 times a day everyday. We've have been going strong since we've met. I was also 3 months pregnant, by him, but I lost the baby a couple of weeks ago. We were both devastated but we're coping. He lived with me for a couple of months before he moved to Florida on military orders a few weeks ago. As a matter of fact, I just came from spending a week with him down there only a couple of days ago. We still talk on the phone at least 3-5 times everyday. Everything seems fine but this is the problem. I want to be in a relationship with him but I'm not sure he feels the same way. He knows that I really have strong feelings for him because I've told and showed him and he does the same. He always tells me that he really cares for me and that he misses me when we're not around each other but he never said that he wants to be with me. However, he told me that he could see himself being with me. I've met his family and friends and all. When I try to talk to him about our relationship, he tells me he wants to talk about it later. This has been going on for the past 2 months now and I am tired of it. Well, his birthday is coming up next week and I sent him a birthday present, along with a card and a long letter telling him how I feel. I somewhat demanded that he tell me how he is feeling about us and whether or not he wants to be with me. He called me earlier to tell me he got the package this morning and thanked me for it. I know he hasn't read the letter yet but I'm pretty sure he will. I need to know how he's feeling so that I can stay with him or just move on. I'm not sure what the outcome may be. I just want to have closure, no matter what he says. My question is, "Why is he acting like this?" Can someone give me some insight? PLEASE?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your words of advice. I really needed some insight on this situation. Here's the update...I talked to him today. He said that he really wants to be with me but he has too much going on right now. That's pretty much all he said. He wouldn't elaborate when I asked him to. Therefore, I'm assuming he has someone else in his life. I mean, what other reason would he have to not be with me at the moment, especially if the feelings are there, like he says they are? There should be nothing stopping him from being with me if that's what he REALLY wants, right? I guess I got my answer. I've just come to the conclusion of letting it all go. It's beginning to take it's toll on me and I really can't deal with stress or mind games too well. I haven't told him yet but I will. Thanks again guys for taking the time to help me out. It is greatly appreciated!
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (26 June 2009):
 I am very sorry that your lost your child. I can't imagine how painful that must be for both of you.
With that said, you've been seeing each other for nine months, lived together, and met the family and friends; it's far past the time for the "are we in a relationship" talk. That should have happened six months ago. Right now it sounds like he is getting all the benefits of a relationship without any commitment.
I don't know about the timing on this but I can certainly understand your feelings. If he can't answer you right now maybe give it another month or two but no longer than that. You deserve to know if he will commit to you and he can't keep putting it off. If he won't say you're his girlfriend after all this time, after everything you've gone through together, he might not be the right guy for you.
Good luck.
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