A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need some encouragement to move on from a 6 year relationship with a man I still love.I'm 43 He's 46.. Talked of marriage in the past, lived with him for 3 years out of the 6 years. Living by myself now. My kids are grown, raised them by myself. Anyways its hard to move on because so many things in the relationship are still wonderful. We are very compatible, on many levels, best friends, and sex is still great. We average 10 or more times a week... But the problem is with him never being satisfied or appreciating what he has. In the beginning of our relationship it was just us committed to each other but as time went by I caught him on dating sites. Left him a couple of times. He begged i went back. Then we tried a open relationship and swinging to help furfill his needs(dah on my part). That did not work out. Especially for me. Even though we actually swapped a couple of times and went to a couple of swinger parties. I did not enjoy it. I also find it hard to have a open relationship(this is his choice type of relationship now). I will drive myself crazy wondering when i'm not with him who/what he's doing...I need to feel number one not second. Not to mention STD's...when I put distant between us he comes on strong. But I know its me in the long run that will have to be in control.We have been esp. close during the holidays, inseparable since end of Oct. We have been w/each other everyday since. He was sick over the holidays I helped him out(again), spent x-mas with him and his kids. Had a wonderful New Year's at the beach. Everything felt normal and 2 days ago I caught him again checking out a dating sight!!!Would love some encouragement to move on from this. This is not what i want and deserve from a relationship. I'm getting older and need more...Appreciate any words of advice..Thanks
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best friend, move on, std, swinging Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Laura, Thats what I need to hear...your right!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 February 2008):
 Stop thinking of him and talking of him and you will forget him faster.
Refocus your mind on things you would like to do.Go out and mix with your friends and enjoy .
You need to feel what happiness is . Get control over your own life. You don't need to depend on others for your happiness. You are not an emotional and mental cripple. Throw away your mental crutch.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all..Well its been over two weeks since my breakup....I have been doing ok...Up and down with emotions..But today I started to really miss him....I will not call him and I want to keep moving on...But i feel so lonely and miss him...I was going to start dating but its too soon I know....I know this is not healthy thinking but i'm hoping he's suffering a little bit....Some words to keep my head up would be so appreciated!!!:[
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 February 2008):
You took the separation very well but he took it very badly. He is hurt and that is why he behaved that way. Just leave that incident behind. There is no need to dwell on it anymore. He is not sporting and a sore loser.He will regret those actions later.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went ahead and broke up with my boyfriend. I told him I love him and we need to not see each other for awhile so we can come back and maybe be friends. He said he wanted that just as much as me. Of cours,e one of his responses were," I find someone first because I will be more hurt if he starts seeing someone". But I don't need to find another person to move on from him. Anyways, a few days later he stopped by my apartment unexpected. He said he was upset over our relationship.(?) I told him we don't have a relationship. He's free to go out with as many women now just as he wanted. We talked over some things. I was pleasant to him gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and wished him luck. As i was doing that he pushed me away. He then told me he doesn't care when he sees me again and does not care if we are friends or not. He then walked out... That was it. The pushing me away and not caring if we eventually are able to become friend hurt me big time.. I'm just trying to understand his reaction???:[ Thanks in advance...
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKay.Kay read the articles ..Thank you...very helpful..Laura1318, found what you said helpful also...TY....Thanks for all the responses...:]
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (30 January 2008):
It is obvious from what you wrote that not only is he not satisfied with what he has or appreciate you but you too have the same malady.
Both of you have very strong drive and it is pulling your relationship in opposite directions. Both of you are restless and feel incomplete .Perhaps both of you are going through a mid life crisis.
You shared so much together and even other good couples may envy what you are going through.
It is not only him that is not contented but you too which is the cause of your heartaches.
When we are not contented with what we have , we have wants that are not satisfied and this makes us frustrated and unhappy. We want more and more from our partners who are unwilling or unable to provide.
You could venture out of your safety zone to search for your ideal mate. Good luck to you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your answers... I know what I need to do. It always helps to hear it. Kay.Kay, my children were from my first and only marriage. Divorced when my kids were just 2 and 4... their father has not seen them since, but thats just a whole other story:[...Any tips on getting through the heartache?:[
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A
male
reader, Bonzaman  +, writes (29 January 2008):
I think you have answered your own question by saying "this is not what I deserve from a relationship". He is clearly not in love with you. Love does not make someone cruise dating sites. You do deserve better and it IS out there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Having come from just ending a 7 year relationship myself, you have to do what is BEST for you. The right thing to do is not always the easiest road to go down, but the right one. Keep your chin up. You are young and he IS out there.
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