A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need help desperately. I think my husband is gay. We have been married for a little over a year but have been together for almost three. Our relationship was wonderful but within the last few months it has changed. Awhile back I found out he was watching gay porn. I asked him about it and he said that he watches straight porn and sometimes gay porn popped up. I took his word for it and left it at that. Well a few months ago I found out he posted an ad on a dating site for men seeking men. In his ad he said that he had experimented with men before and now wanted to try again. In his posting he was very honest and even mentioned that it had to be very discreet because he didn't want to jeapordize his marriage. I confronted him and he told me that it was just "internet bull" and that he was definitely not gay. Well...I again took his word for it (but with some doubt in my mind). Then I found out he was still posting ads and again confronted him on it. He said the same thing but this time he promised he wouldn't do it anymore and that he never meant to hurt me. Now, he and I had not had sex in two months. He told me that he just wasn't in the mood but yet tells me that he sometimes masterbates three times a day. We tried to have sex the other night but he couldn't keep an erection. He asked me to make an appointment with a doctor so that he could find out what's wrong with him. I think I know and it's killing me. This has really damaged our marriage. I don't believe or trust him anymore. He swore on his mother that he was not gay and that he has never cheated on me or met anyone. I want to believe him but because he has lied before I have a hard time. I need advice bad. I love him but I feel so used right now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Do you or him come from a religous/cultural background where acknowledging gay/bisexual fellings would be difficult? My *guess* is that he is at least a little bit Bi and you know that doesn't have to be the end of your marriage or your relationship. However his lieing could be. Don't 'confront' him...talk to him. If you are both quite young it is quite possible that this is a part of his sexuality he's only just fully discovering. Be there for him, imagine for a few moments that you started wondering just how good another woman could make you feel? After all she would have the same body, the same meeds....In short, communicate, communicate, communicate. If you married him, he must be a good friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Oh my god, are you confirming my past experience with my ex husband? In my case I never found any gay porn in his computer. But who knows? He used to talk a lot about this porn show on cable. I saw it and was suprised to see male strippers. I confronted him and he denied it. I confronted him when his fruity friend stood over at his place. He even had fruity friends hanging around him at the college campus. Even his mother felt uncomfortable about the guy who had the stay over. My ex used to leave me alone at night, he would even set up his own bed in the sofa while I slept alone in the room! He would say he would masturbate. Yes, he even had trouble maintaining and/or having an erection. He later blamed it on me for not making him hard. what fault do I have on this!!! None at all. I am a very attractive well built woman. Many men would have loved to be in his place. I felt my sexuality had been spoiled and unused! The best thing you should do is LET HIM GO. You have enough answers to see that he's still in the closet. Don't waste your time with him. He will continue to reject you and hurt you psychologically. It happened to me! I divorced, and it was the best thing I did for myself. You should be very careful with him. Don't let him cheat on you behind your back with another man. How can you be sure that no one replied to his gay add? He seems to be very occult with his true feelings. Believe the evidence, it can be clearer than water. Now it's all up to you.
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