Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, devastated2010  +, writes (2 June 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI actually have written letters for months. Some letters to him some just my thoughts and feelings. It never gave me much peace unfortunately. I did write a letter to my mother inlaw that me feel a lot better.(most of our relationship she was for a lack of better words..on my side. She would tell me what a liar her own son was n basically to watch out) in the end of our relationship and me finding out about his affair. His mother typed me a 6 pg letter BLAMING ME FOR HER SONS AFFAIR! How I pushed them together because I wasn't their for my husband emotionally. It was a terrible heartless clueless letter. Bloods thicker than water so I understand but was shocked at the things she stated. Regardless I never sent his letters and I never sent the one to my mother inlaw(although I felt better after writing it) Guess I will try your suggestion and BURN THEM! Lol. I'm not unhappy or insecure for being single or alone. Quite honestly I would much rather be alone than with someone who upsets me. I'm just heart broken and its taking longer than I had hoped it would to get over this. Thanks for your advice I greatly appreciate it. God bless..xoxo
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 I suggest you try to write a letter to him but you will never post it and instead burn it .
Get in touch with your anger by feeling free to express your feelings to him without the fear of reprisals.
In the letter , you could tell him what he did to you and your feelings about it.
How it affected your life and what you are going to do about it and what are your thoughts about him.
This can release a lot of pain and suppressed anger and you will recover faster.
I hope you will give it a try.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (2 June 2010):
May God bless you and heal your pains and hurts. You have been through a lot and I pray you will recover quickly and find the love of your life.
There is a time for everything and you need to enjoy life and be happy whether you are single or in a relationship.
What are the things that interest you and what are the things that you would like to do ? Find out and it will keep your mind busy .
An empty mind is the devil's workshop.
Hugs! xoxo!
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (2 June 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know just tonight I did in fact start to remember all the obnoxious insecure things he used to do constantly. There was a lot of problems in our relationship...(strangely enough HIS constant insecurity) I never gave him any reason to think I would step out. Guess it was his insecurity knowing he was a cheat so he must have assumed I was. Idk...also the shock of him cheating (like I said when HE was so insecure). And then leaving me for her! We only got married last 0ctober n it wasn't long after he cheated and lied about it for months! I guess I'm not only bent about that but the fact that he never apologized! You always hear of people who have cheated on their spouse are so apologetic and beg to stay...never got either. I guess its just as well cuz how I had been feeling.. I would have taken him back. The tears have slowed way down...the heartache and depression somewhat...lol...Im his 3rd wife(that shouldve tipped me off too!) But he claims HE was always the victim! And now while we just got married he's engaged recently to this girl! Anyway...bless u for ur support n stay in touch! Thanks...xoxo
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (2 June 2010):
Well! If you want to forget somebody , you only need to demonize him .Think of all his bad and negative points.
Your mind will automatically reject him when his name comes up in your mind.
You can also write all your feelings on apiece of paper or a closure letter to him and then burn it. It may help you to overcome this problem.
Get yourself busy and focus on what you want out of life.
It may take some time . Only time will heal you .
Take care!
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (1 June 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Laura! thank you for your resp guess I haven't changed name cuz I'm still DEVASTATED! Lol...its just extremely hard to turn off my feelings! yes he may have but I haven't found the trick just yet! I try to find things to take my mind off of him...but he remains right there in every thought n every thing I'm doing. I don't even have it in me to start seeing someone else. don't think it will help! thx for ur advice n plz stay in touch! nothings changed much as you can see since April. Guess time will heal all!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 June 2010):
Hi,
Glad to see you are back.
I think you should change your name to a better sounding one as seeing your name will make you devastated.You need to think more positive and associate more with positive things.
You need to accept reality and not to live in denial. It is all over and you need to move on. He has moved on.
You should stop thinking about him or have anything that reminds you of him to speed up your recovery.
Stop scratching the wound or it would never heal. I know it is easier said than done but you need to try harder.Get control of yourself.
Why do you still love someone who does not love you back? Someone who broke your heart is not worth crying for.
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (31 May 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell to update my original post...my husband is still seeing this other woman (from what I've been told..she is wearing n eng. ring) how very nice huh? I haven't seen or spoken to him since he has moved to her state to be with her. (It's been over 2 mo's since we've spoken!)I'm hurt and angry. I've never been given an apology. having a lot of trouble moving on. just heart broken! any suggestions as to either moving on or getting him back? most will say I'm crazy for even wanting him back. no I don't have self esteem issues or feel I deserved this. I am a very attractive woman I just still have a lot of love in my heart for him! :(....any advice would be appreciated!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 April 2010):
When their honeymoon ends and their feet touched the ground, expect fireworks in that relationship. His true self will come forward.
Go for a new self image of you . Increase your self esteem and confidence.
Everything happens for a reason and we may not understand but God will give you much more for what you have lost.
Think positive always and life will get better each day.
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (17 April 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your support Laura! the sad part of it all is he put me through a lot all throughout our relationship! He is a habitual liar n it usually would be over stupid things. So I know in the long run I'm really better off n maybe he will put this girl through much of the same. Guess it will just take me some time. Losing my boyfriend of 7 yrs due to a brain anuerism then 11 mos ltr I meet this clown to lie n cheat on me after we're married. He begged me to marry him. A smoothe talkin manipulating loser. Lol true statements guess I need to keep that in mind n know I am truly truly better off. Thanks for your encouragement and support. Please stay in touch! :)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 April 2010):
You are welcome. Don't shed a tear for that ungrateful man . It is not worth crying for him now. He isn't the same man that you loved and married.
You must do the reverse psychology thing. Be happy instead of sad .Be cheerful instead of glum. Enjoy your life now that you don't have to worry about him anymore.
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (17 April 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Laura! I appreciate your response. he hasn't seen me. He doesn't wish to see me I guess. He's taking me to court because in the week he ''needed time'' we talked n txt n after his whore come to visit and stay with him at my mother in laws he said it was over n wanted her! Then files harrassment charges which I didn't harrass him I was trying to save a fucked up marriage I guess u could say... so I'm not worried. He is so different since his accident (which happened 3 wks after we were married). He always seemed to be so crazy in love with me and it hurts all that he is doing n chosen over us. I know he's not sitting around crying although last tiime we saw one another we both cried he said '' I '' broke his heart because I wasn't there for him n that he just needed some time. I'm just extremely hurt confused n heartbroken. Thanks for your concern
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 April 2010):
You need to accept reality and that he is a changed man and not the man you married .
Do not cry or beg him to come back to you.You need to show him that you can live happily even without him.You have to hide those sad feelings from him.
He is expecting you to come crawling back to him and he will heap more coals on you . Do not give him that opportunity to degrade you . Have more self worth.
If he does not love you and appreciate you ,there are others who will.Let him go.
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (16 April 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchigirl: I know that my husband has treayed me bad n doesn't respect our marriage. I know what he did isn't my fault. As a matter of fact our marriage was his 3rd n a very few short yrs n this was my 2nd after 19 yrs. he is a very smoothe talker and a master manipulator n has always claimed to be the victim in all his past relationships. he is a habitual liar. I know I sound ridiculous n I know the obvious. I just can't seem to let it go. He claims she is there for him n I wasmt. my husband is the type of person who is extremely insecure n always led me to believe that it was from people who hurt him in his life. he plays on peoples sympathys n is just screwed up. I stood by him n all his crazy shit n now I'm being left for someone else who is buying into his shit! He claims he wants to marry her after he divorces me. I believe in divorce there is no religion issue. He seems to use marriage as a hobby. He is the son of a preacher n comes from a religious family ( obviously) but he is tattooed up n kinda black sheep in family. He would always thank god during grace at dinner for me. I guess he has a lot of mental issues n I just wanted to be the one to make a difference in his life!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 What he did was very bad, but do not let it reflect on you. You are not a bad person, he is. And there was nothing you did wrong. It sucks, but what happened happened and now you have to focus on what you CAN do, and not hope that your husband will change, because you can't make him. He stated that he wanted to be with her and not you. Do you believe in divorce? Maybe next time tell a man you wish to marry that a marriage is serious business and not something he can just end because he found someone else. He took an oath to you that he didn't respect. He didn't value marriage.
I think maybe you should agree to a divorce, because if you don't this man will continue to see other women and treat you badly. You are better alone that with a man who disrespects you like this.
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (16 April 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI responded back with a really long txt n wonder why I'm not seeing it here. haven't quite fig. out how to use this site as I've been using it from my cell phone! anyway I had said that I've been praying that god will somehow open my husbands eyes n heart back to me n see this is wrong. I'm shocked at the lack of remorse he has not shown any. I fig. at some pt he would call or mail me a letter. nothing has happened except court papers to go to court cuz he claims I harrassed him n tresppassed at his mothers when he allowed me there. he kept saying he needed time. he chose her over me n our marriage! I know even if he wanted to work things out we would have a trust issue on my part being he's done this but I love him very much n would give things another try. I can't eat sleep or do anything. all I do is cry and pray! I'm afraid she will move here from the state she's in and there will be no hope for us! he has changed his # n dragging me to court! Am I a complete friggin idiot to even think he will ever come back? ( plz b nice) I am not insecure or desperate or have low self esteem. I just love him deeply n can't let go. I have bever had anyone ever breal up with me or cheat on me (as far as I know) I am a pretty good looking woman and have absolutely no desire to just move on with someone else! Am I completely hopeless n thinking someday he will return? plz let me know what you think. I am kinda all over the place with things even as I type. (being its on my phone) my emotions go from anger to hurt but then I just stay hurt n completely shocked! help me!
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (16 April 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think was suprises me the most is the lack of REMORSE he hasnt shown. He was always so crazy about me n I just never would have expected any of this. no phone call no apology no nothing! he is bringing me to court saying I harrassed him n tresspassed when he allowed me to come to his mothers n drop off greeting cards to him. we talked n txt n the time where he claimed he needed TIME! and then he has me going to court now n a month. I keep praying he will leave her or she will break it off with him being she lives in another state but am soo afraid he will convince her to move out where we live! I keep praying that god somehow will save our marriage n see thru to his heart n show him this is all wrong. I know we would have well I would have serious trust issues but I still love him enough to try. am I kidding myself n plz don't be harsh. I know once a liar n once a cheat...but I'm hanging by a thread. I can't sleep I can't eat and all I do is cry. he has changed his number as well. plz give me some advice as to what I should do.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (16 April 2010):
Take each day at a time and try to think positive always. Focus on God and do not look at those waves in your life. You will be able manage your everyday affairs and will gain back your strength in time.
Every dark clouds ,there are a silver lining.
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A
female
reader, devastated2010 +, writes (16 April 2010):
devastated2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. I've been praying and crying n praying n crying. most days I just can't function. I found this all out the day after my bd. its been horrible. anyway thanks for ur response. hopefully better days ahead.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (16 April 2010):
I am very sorry that you have been dealt with a very cruel blow in your life. You need to get up , pick up those shattered pieces , put them back together and do your best in that circumstance.
You will need to accept that your life will not be the same anymore and let time to heal your pains and hurts.
It would be good if you can seek God's sanctuary and find the peace and calm in your life.
For more;-
http://www.wikihow.com/Heal-a-Broken-Heart
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