A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this is a long read but I urge you to please hear me out! I'm confused and anyone who's had their heart broken by the love of their life will be this desperate for help.I'm in a pretty tough situation right now and would really appreciate it if anyone can suggest what action I should take.My girlfriend of 3 years and a half dumped me two weeks ago but on good terms. We did not fight nor argue prior to the break up and honestly did not see a breakup coming although the week prior to the breakup I did notice a change in her behavior. She no longer wanted to talk, just a few short email messages but that's about it. I noticed something was going on and I behaved wrongly by pressuring her to give me a call or talk sometime. I knew that I should have backed off and given her, her space but we were so in love I really didn't see us ever breaking apart. Then two weeks ago on March 7th she sends me an email that starts off just fine but then ends with a really deep and hurtful paragraph explaining that she's leaving. I don't know how many readers here come from a Christian background but both me and my ex girlfriend are devout Christians and she explained that the reason she's leaving me is because she feels the need to just let go of everything else in her life and focus on God, that she is willing to just focus on taking care of her responsibilities and then with the rest of her time do something that'll be glorifying to God, which I guess it's ok but don't really know how much I can really buy into that and whether she's just using God as an excuse to break up with me and not just say that she's tired of me or something. But because I know the kind of girl she is I wouldn't doubt she's telling the truth. She explained that God can give things one day and the next day take them away and she's uncertain now whether or not we were meant to be together and get married. We had marriage plans for the future, we're young now but within the next 5 years we've been planning to get married sometime and were really serious about the idea.To make a long story short the feels that God is calling her to be independent and be single and that she wants to remain single and be in no other relationships for a year or so because she just doesn't feel ready for commitment and she doesn't feel the need to be in any relationship at the moment besides her relationship with God. She wants to let her life open to God to change and mold and lead her in any direction so she can't make any promises on getting back together with me in the future even though she did love me to death and even mentioned that. She just feels like she's not ready to be this committed in her life specially when God can lead her in any direction. I know for a fact she's confused on exactly what career path to go into and she feels that she's just not ready to settle down and think marriage before knowing what she wants to do exactly, which is understandable. She's pretty much leaving me because she doesn't know what to do in her life and is scared and feels that she's too young so she wants to leave the door open and just feels that she's not ready to be in a relationship right now.I'm not sure whether or not all of this is just an excuse or if she means it word by word, I do hope that she really isn't interested in any other relationships cause that'll leave a wider crack for me. With everything she explained though I feel that there is something she didn't not explain, something that caused her to have doubts that I think I kind of know but am not exactly sure. I love this girl very much, I love her more than my life and she was the whole world to me. The night she dumped me I was in hell but I felt better by the next day due to the fact that we have broken up before and have gone through struggles where somehow, someway we would make it through and she would be coming back into my arms. Just a month ago she told me how nothing will ever have the strength to break us apart and how we are just perfect for eachother which I still firmly believe. I can't afford to let her go, I've never cheated on her, never disrespected her nor yelled or called her names, I was always there for her when she needed me and always treated her with equality and we were like a team, she's everything to me and I can't afford losing the most wonderful person to ever step into my life. Right now it's been two weeks since the breakup. Right after the breakup I did what every guy would do, plead and beg for her back only to report back bad results. I eventually just gave up because I felt that nothing was working on her since she wasn't opening up, responding with just a few words that sometimes made no sense. I eventually decided to write a really long letter explaining my feelings to her and how we're just destined to be together but she didn't buy into it even though it may have had some effect. I was on the brink of giving up and went to many different friends and family for some advice on this, all which provided me different strategies, some said it's just over and it's time for me to move on but I won't let that happen. I asked if she wanted to remain friends but she responded by saying that if we remained friends that'll only keep us attached. Then I decided to buy this book titled "how to get your ex back and keep her for good" talks all about counter intuitive strategies and about the method of using no contact to distance yourself while building up your confidence. I wrote her one last long letter last week acknowledging her decision and applying no contact from here on. She then responded by saying ok but she wanted to ask a few questions first but the first question she asked was somewhat unnecessary but I was honest, however I told her after that to just give me my space and to please appreciate my wishes.Right now I'm stumped and just don't know what to do, whether or not using no contact is a good strategy for getting her back or not, but truthfully my heart is wanting to discuss this topic with her although she believes there's nothing to discuss. I'm just worried and having doubts whether or not this no contact method will work or not. I love her to death and really want her back. Please anyone reading this tell me what you would do and what approach you'd make, whether or not you have used no contact in the past in success with getting your ex back or whether there are far suitable approaches I can use. I feel like if I try to talk to her it'll push her away but if I don't talk to her she'll get over me. At the same time I'm confident that we will get back together because we have in the past even after tough situations. Is there a big possibility she will return and want me back after a couple days or weeks of no contact? Even though my heart is just dying to talk with her. Please if anyone can help me, whether you come from a Christian background or not. Please give me some advice on how to handle this maturely and increasing my chances or her returning. I really don't want to lose this girl, I've been in other relationships in the past but this girl is something very special and I hope there's the possibility that she will realize there are no other guys out there who can treat her as wonderful as I did. So hopefully if it was a great relationship even till the end and we were on good ends, then hopefully she'll have the courage to come back someday. Please anyone with advice on what action I should take next, whether to stick to NC or not, please let me know. I would appreciate all the help I can get.
View related questions:
a break, christian, confidence, ex girlfriend, get back together, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jasminemark  +, writes (9 April 2011):
In a relationship sometimes it happens that you loose your hold on your love by being indifferent. But afterwards you reaslise your mistake and so want your love back. Nobody is ever too late to get his or her ex back..all you need is proper guidance like this http://www.HowtoGetBackYourExBlog.com
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): you need to use phycological tricks to win her back. DO NOT act desperate or needy or she'll never want you back
www.exgirlfriendbackadvice.com
is a very good guide to get her back.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): I too lost the love of my life about 12yrs ago. His father is a pastor. Now we dated for 5yrs strong and nothing could break us apart. When I hung out with my friends he would call me nonstop unitl we met back up. My friend would get sick and tired of him calling and he didnt care. Now where he found the time to cheat I dont know but he left me for someone and my heart was broken into a million and one pieces. We had it out him the girl and myself but i did tell her that she could never be or take my place she may be his girl at the moment but he will always be my first love and the same with him. Well we didnt talk for about two yrs and he said that he had made a big mistake and until this day we are still friends and she hates it he even called her my name when the were having sex trust if ur her first love she will be back give her space and c what will happen
...............................
|
