A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Can I get some advice from any experienced gay men out there? I'm a 20 year old, gay, college man and I just recently started having sex. I've never been the person to want to "hook-up" or have meaningless sex but I've found it really hard to find other decent, gay guys that I'm interested in and that are interested in me just as much. So I've never been in a relationship. And to be honest I think I'll be alone for the most, if not all, of my life. Although I may prefer to have sex with someone I love and have a connection with, I'm human and have needs and have been feeling really horny and aroused all the time. I need release, I crave physical and emotional affection. So a couple of months ago I hooked up with a guy who wanted to have a friends with benefits relationship which was fine with me. But he didn't really want the friendship part which bothered me and he turned out to be an ^^^hole as always. But anyway, I lost my virginity to him. I had a couple issues; it wasn't great but it wasn't bad either. I don't regret it. He actually thought I was good and wanted more. So my question is, do you have any advice for the first time? And do you have any douching advice? Also I'm a college student who lives on campus with roommates and suite mates and I would find it really embarrassing if my peers heard me "douching." So would it be more beneficial to douche in the bathroom or the shower (With the shower going, they wouldn't be able to hear). Thanks for the advice.
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friend with benefits, horny, lost my virginity, roommate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2015): You wanted advice about gay sex between men. It's a serious subject. Condescension wasn't the point. Your safety and good-health coming into the gay-life is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. But I think you've misread. I've only had sex twice in my life and I've spent 20 years without having sex so obviously I'm not just out here looking for sex. And I'm in college so I have roommates, not everyone can afford to live by themselves. I've never douched in my life before so I was just asking for some advice...I didn't actually douche in the shower. Thanks for the advise but you came off demeaning and condescending at parts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): Always use condoms, with no exceptions. As for douching, don't go doing things to your body that could upset the natural lubrication of your anus, or increase risk of infections. If you use condoms, douching before anal-sex isn't necessary. There will always be something there, it's your butt!
There's not much known about the health risks; but most doctors frown on it. Even for women who vaginally douche more than necessary. Young people go doing things to themselves, because they've heard about it; then regret it later when they start having health-problems.
Avoid doing stupid trendy crap that could cause health-risks!!!
Why are you doing it anyway? Find something that doesn't have a big question mark over how it can adversely-effect your body.
If you share bathroom facilities with flatmates, don't be doing things that leave unclean residue behind in the shower. Be more concerned and considerate about them showering behind you after doing something like douching!!! What goes in must come out. Honestly, I hope they would catch you. Get your own place if you're going to practice activities that you don't want others to see or hear.
You should try dating guys without sex being your only motive in getting to know them. You'll find yourself participating in a string of one-night stands and hookups. That will eventually make you cynical about real relationships; because when you start-out being superficial, that's the way it will continue to be.
Young gay men usually don't listen to advice. Many of us have to learn in the school of hard-knocks; because decent gay-mentors come at a premium, or are few and far between.
In the world of reality; you don't happen upon people who instantly fall in-love with you. So, you date as often as you possibly can; and make friends until you meet someone who shows romantic-interest and shares mutual chemistry.
Yes, sex is going to be a major part of your young gay-life; because you're experimenting. HIV isn't a joke, and it is very real. STD's are on the rise; because young gay men didn't live during the period when AIDS was killing us left and right. So they go online, and learn the facts of life from trolls and predators. Young gay men scoff at high-risk behavior; because they have HIV meds that pro-long life. It's not a cure, and you can infect others.
You know how to meet guys. Don't center your life entirely around sex, and don't give them that impression about yourself; if you're looking for something more meaningful.
Just try to meet people and get to know something about them, and let them get to know you.
You'll learn what you like and how to do it through experimentation and practice.
LGBT health-clinics and LGBT youth centers have pamphlets and brochures that give advice on maintaining good-health and ways to protect yourself and your partner.
You usually meet people more than happy to show you what you don't know; but never ever let anyone talk you into unprotected-sex.
I have no intention of getting into any graphic descriptions on how to have sex. You're a big boy, you'll figure it out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): I guess the editors deleted parts of my question so it may sound seem confusing. I don't know why they would do that. But I mentioned that May enjoy bottoming more and I was wondering if you had any advice on bottoming or the first time and any advice on douching an what the best/discreet way to do it? -- OP
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