A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice on whether I should make one last attempt to have a relationship with my ex, or just try to let him go.Reasons for trying: I'm head over heels in love with him. He's a wonderful guy, and I'm crazy about him. It's not just that I miss him (although, even a year later, I do). He's my best friend (even though we haven't talked), and there's no one I'd rather spend time with. Reasons against: He hasn't been ready for a relationship any of the last times we've tried. According to him, he just needs to get his life together, grow up, mature, etc. But I wonder whether the reality may not be that, as much as I love him (and as much as I really do think he loves me), the problem isn't that he isn't ready to be in a relationship -- it's that I'm just not the girl for him.We dated for about two and a half years, starting when I was 25 and he was 23 (abt to turn 24). There was some off-and-on in there, but we weren't dating anyone else during that time. We broke up "for good" about a year ago. We're both a year or so out of grad school now, and we'll be in the same city in about a month (we're a couple hours apart in the meantime). I'm still in love with him. No guy I meet measures up. I think there's a possibility he is still in love with me. It's also possible he never really loved me at all, and is just confused, and never will be able to love me.What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): Hi, their is love, and then their is infactuation.
Everything thing you are saying is all a possibility and not
actual facts. He isn't in love with you that is why you have broken up. As painful as it is, you have to stop toying with these fantasies, of what could be etc.. and move on.
He is too young for you, and wants to have his freedom, their is a man there for you, you just need to get through this lesson first.
A
female
reader, Bobbyjo  +, writes (5 October 2008):
 Okay....what Im about to answer might not be what you want to hear....
After finding myself in the same situation as you, Ive just finished reading a book "he's just not that into you" and the one thing that was stated, which I believe is true even though it hurts, is that if a guy is really in love with you then he will be with you. No excuses like I dont want a relationship/I need to mature/blah blah blah.....Unfortunately, guys use these lines as excuses to protect our feelings.
I also really loved my ex. He fed me the "I dont want to settle down just yet" line and we split, 2 weeks later I find out he's with someone else. So I guess its true - they do use excuses rather than say I dont like you anymore, which would upset us but wouldnt be giving us false hope.
My advice to you would be just to try and move on. Remember what you had and cherish those memories, but then remind yourself that you werent meant to be. If you were then you would be together. You will meet someone else who is right for you and fall in love again. Put you energy into finding that happiness rather than wondering about this guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (5 October 2008):
Okay....what Im about to answer might not be what you want to hear....
After finding myself in the same situation as you, Ive just finished reading a book "he's just not that into you" and the one thing that was stated, which I believe is true even though it hurts, is that if a guy is really in love with you then he will be with you. No excuses like I dont want a relationship/I need to mature/blah blah blah.....Unfortunately, guys use these lines as excuses to protect our feelings.
I also really loved my ex. He fed me the "I dont want to settle down just yet" line and we split, 2 weeks later I find out he's with someone else. So I guess its true - they do use excuses rather than say I dont like you anymore, which would upset us but wouldnt be giving us false hope.
My advice to you would be just to try and move on. Remember what you had and cherish those memories, but then remind yourself that you werent meant to be. If you were then you would be together. You will meet someone else who is right for you and fall in love again. Put you energy into finding that happiness rather than wondering about this guy.
...............................
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