A
female
age
36-40,
*BCherished
writes:Hi,I am a 23 yo woman and I am at my wits end trying to figure out if I should go back to my ex or stay with my man. Here's the story: My guy and I (whom I will refer to as RW) have been together for 15 months. Our relationship began and moved rapidly. We were in undergrad school together for a whole year during 2006-2007. We never spoke but shared all the same classes. I thought he was attractive but we had never conversed. We began talking Oct 07' and after only one week we were an item. Within one month we had fallen for each other and he asked me to marry him(there was no ring because he wasn't prepared at the time). Another month passed and we decided to rent a house together. RW is 10 yrs older and has two boys (8 and 11) from two previous long-term relationships. Within two months I had found out he possibly fathered a third child(7) during a break-up in his previous relationship. I tried to deal with it and see a future with this man whom I was head over heals for. He told me during the beginning stages of our union that he had a fake marriage with his youngest sons mother which was only a business agreement. Before enlisting in the military and serving a tour in Iraq, they had decided he would sign up as a married soldier to get better benefits to care for his child. When he returned home in 06' they were done and he moved on. When we got together she filed for divorce and all the drama started there. She dragged RW through a long, expensive divorce/support/custody battle. It was this that allowed he and I to see how women use the court system to vindicate men. I loved this man dearly so I had his back and stuck by him 100%. During the year of 2008 he went through a downhill battle with his ex in court, and suffered some major losses: a brand new truck during a traffic accident, his job and all his savings paying for his attorney. I also lost my job in part due to his drama and the stress it caused. During that time I regreted my decision to get involved with him so quickly and felt that his drama had a lot to do with our haste. His ex is jealous, vindictive manipulative and way too head strong. She tried everything she could to get me out of the picture however she can't stand to be with him herself. This drama caused me to miss my ex (whom I will refer to as Ken) and contemplate getting back together.KB and I were together for 3 yrs lived togehter for 2 and 1/2. Although he is not my daughter's biological father he is her dad. She is 5yo and he has been there and claimed her as his own since she was 9 months old (BTW her father is MIA). During the spring of 07' I left KB due to our third and final physcial altercation. Although we forgave each other for our madness, we decided we would take some time apart and remain seperated until things were better. We had a 90/10 relationship; 90% was good 7 % was our stubborness, ego and control issues 3% was his anger and temper. We had a pretty good life together I was happy and he was a good provider to me and my daughter. However, our altercations provided an unhealthy environement which was the reason I split.During the time I was supposed to be taking time to regain my indepence from my ex is when I met and fell in love with RW. Last summer I strongly considered going back to KB who still wants to be with me and have his daughter back in his life and marry me. He hs not been able to move on and has not committed to any other woaman since me. I tried to go back to him but I couldn't stand to hurt RW and I knew if all drama was aside I would have been content with being with him. However his drama and the fact I was not over my ex is what brings me to where I am today. I changed my number and told Ken I was engaged and moving on with RW. I knew somone would be hurt and I hated having to make that decision but i tried to do what was best.Now, RW and I are seperated, living with our parents because our landlord's house was sold in foreclosure and both unemployed due to layoffs. 2008 was a terrible year for us and we suffered tremendously. I know its best that we are seperated because I need time to get back on my feet and figure things out. I have still been talking to KB and he has hit me with an ultimatum: He is 30 and ready to get married and move on with his life he loves me and wants our family back together ( He has a 10 yo son from a previous relationship) so when can move on and continue the plans we had prior to our split. RW has decided to go back to active duty and is leaving in 2months. He wants to marry me and take me and my daughter with him and continue on with our relationship but wants me to make a decision as to where we stand.I am stuck and torn between two men I love dearly. They are polar opposites and love me and my daughter and would do anything in the world to make me happy. The only problem is I don't know who I should be with. I hate being in this situation and I don't want to hurt either of them however, I can see myself with both. Is it fair to make a decision based off sex or money? My relationship with RW has caused me an eviction and several collections on y credit yet I love and care for him. I still have deep feelings for KB because we went through a lot together and he has and always been a good friend who has helped bail me out of really tough situations. I have prayed about this and still struggling to find answers. I don't want to be alone and I certaintly don't want to bring any other men into my daughters life. Where to I go from herePlease help I need an unbiased objective opinion to help me sort through this mess.I
View related questions:
a break, divorce, engaged, fell in love, his ex, jealous, military, miss my ex, money, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (24 January 2009):
 I don't think you should be with either of them. One hits you, and the other has a string of nasty relationships, and 3 possible children by 3 different women.
You really can't help but to wonder why RW seems to have had so many problems with women. I applaud him for trying to be a good father, but he is obviously willing to do things that are illegal and immoral in my opinion. His child would have been covered under his military insurance whether he was married to the mother or not.
I know you love them both, but those don't seem like the type of men I would want my daughter to grow up with as a father figure.
|
