A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16, and I fancy my Mum's 37 year old friend. I have since I first met her, but I knew nothing would ever happen between us. But the other night, she was at my house with my Mum, and they had a few drinks. My Mum went to sleep on the couch, I went to my bed and my Mum's friend went to my Mum's bed. 5 minutes later, she came through and kissed me, properly kissed me, then went back to bed. 5 minutes later she came back and asked if she could lie in my bad and cuddle me. I said OK. About 30 minutes later, she asked if I wanted to have sex, but I said no because I had no condoms.Now, I can't stop thinking about what happened. I have her number, and want to phone her so I can talk about it with her. But I'm really not sure what I should do.
View related questions:
condom Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Main Man +, writes (2 May 2009):
 If you really would like to have sex with your mum's friend. I suggeest that you buy some condoms. Then call her & tell her that you have been thinking about her & would to meet her either at your place or hers. If you are alone with make a pass at her. you are being reposponsible by using condoms as this lady still of child bearing age you never it might a regular thing between you until 1 of meet someone nearer your own age.
A
male
reader, milfhunter +, writes (6 October 2008):
Also i would like to say that i love the woman i mentioned previously in my post answer and that she is sort of my girlfriend, she is moving out in 5 weeks and then we can be together properly
...............................
A
male
reader, milfhunter +, writes (30 September 2008):
dear a male,
im 18 and i have recently started seeing my mums best friend, having an affair with her, she is married but is going to seperate and has 2 kids, my mum and dad know that i have been seeing her and my mum is totally cool, first of all is this woman married and does she have kids. i think you should go for it, you only live once!
...............................
A
female
reader, unknown08 +, writes (21 August 2008):
I think you should ring your mums friend and ask her to meet you somewhere. Then you should sit down and talk ot her face-to-face and get this over and done with otherwise you'll be asking yourself 21 questions all the time
...............................
A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I cannot imagine that you Mum would like it one bit, and things could become very awkward to say the least.
There is no way you would do this without your Mum suspecting. Many parents are uncomfortable, and there are issues surrounding sex at the best of times, and that's without going for a friend of your Mum's.
A very complex situation, try playing further away from home that your family don't know personally.
Do you want to risk falling out with your Mum?
I cannot imagine how this would be a long-term relationship. Do you want to feel like "another notch on the bedpoast" already?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Dear Poster,
Your a nice guy, you got better morals than the whole of us combined. Put away the cauldron Uncles and Aunts untill the next time, I'm sure there are more souls out there for us to pervert.
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (5 June 2008):
 It's Tisha's fault.
The tongue of dog goes IN the cauldron...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I decided not to phone her, I'll just see her when I see her. I've got the funniest feeling it was just the alcohol talking anyway. Sorry to disappoint all those who were looking forward to the details.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I'll bring the tongue of dog, but do you mind if I leave it attached? He's a real sweetie, and gives nice licks as kisses.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Can I join the coven? I want to know too. All the gory details. I'll bring the Wing of Bat.
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (5 June 2008):
Tisha asks why she wants to hear a followup. And DiovanLestat wants to know too. And so do I.
Why is it that I get a sudden picture, vaguely Shakespearian, of the three of us around a cauldron on a "blasted heath" muttering strange incantations while adding eye of newt and toe of frog to the bubbling mixture?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Yes poster, you asked for advice and we gave it to you. You can see we're very supportive and on your side. But you got us aunts and uncles wondering now. Don't forget to write back and tell us how it goes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 June 2008):
Didn't that film end with Dustin's character riding off into the sunset with the daughter?
This has been a very interesting thread to read. I have to agree that if the genders were swapped in the original posting, we'd be shouting, no no no! Don't have sex with the old perve! He's your father's friend and you're too young! Similar questions have been met with similar responses.
So why is it that young men are encouraged to proceed with this, when young women are discouraged from following the same path? Interesting topic for a discussion or debate.
I go back to the basics of this question. A) Alcohol was involved. B) This woman is his mother's friend. C) This young man did not have sex with her, but it sounds like this was only because he did not have condoms. If he had had them, would he have gone through with this?
D) There was more than a cuddle, methinks. 30 minutes? Hmm... Anyway...
I think that our poster should have a conversation about this with her, just to clear things up and deal with it. After all, she will be over again at some point and it might as well be dealt with now. She may indeed fancy him and want to go through with it, or it may just have been the lowered inhibitions of too many cocktails. It might even be possible that she won't remember it.
I still am a bit concerned as to what mum would think of this if it happened, but essentially, it is none of business, other than this is her friend.
Then, as all parties are adults and above the age of consent, whatever happens next is entirely up to them, even if nothing happens.
Why is it that I want to hear a followup?
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (4 June 2008):
Hey! Don't blame the British.
"The Graduate" was an American film...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I notice that the majority of aunts/uncles are from the UK...
We sure got low standards over here.... I mean encouraging a young boy to go out and have sex with an older woman that's a friend of his mother..... Hypocrites, we are, all of us. We wouldn't give the same advice to a young girl, we'd be horrified and say no way....
But.... for boys..... well you only live once... LOL
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (4 June 2008):
Anonymous female has a very good point.
If this was a girl asking the question about a man, the answers would probably be very different. Double standards? I got all sorts of comments questioning my judgement when I suggested there was nothing wrong with a 16 year old girl being friends with a 36 year old man purely on the Internet - and there wasn't even the hint of anything sexual in that one.
I'm inclined to agree that in this case our young man here takes the opportunity if it arises - he clearly wants to! I would also be very interested to know how it goes - NOT the action itself!!!! I mean how he feels later and whether he really finds any problems emotionally or otherwise. I suspect he won't, and as long as he keeps quiet about it I don't really see any difficulty, but I would still like to know. I suppose it's too much to ask for him to come back and tell us?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Yes, I know, Female Anonymous. Double standards ain't it? That's the way of the world though.
That said, once a person reaches the age of 16 - in the UK anyway - it's all legal. Whether it's morally right is another matter and as far as I can see it's basically up to the individual to decide. The establishment does tend to leap to the 'defence' of the younger female rather than the younger male though. Maybe it's because boys don't end up pregnant and quite so traumatised in such an encounter.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I got chatted up by my sons friend once when i was 37, it is such a boost to a womans confidence, but no way would i of done anything with this lad. Not for me, but some women would of. Your mum need not know, and it is up to you what you do. I certainly dont want to know what my sons have been up to. Always make sure you wear a condom.
take care
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): It's intresting to read the answers, if this was a girl asking about a man everyone would be calling him a perve. Maybe a boy more able to deal with a sexual relationship than a girl who would get too emotional and attached?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I make that six in favour, and 1 against.
I can't see why mother would be devastated. Quite the opposite in fact. Better the devil you know than the one you don't. Some proper early education will stand you in good stead for the future.
Apart from all that, there's no reason why mother need know anything about it. At the end of the day, it's your life and you've got to make your own decisions and mistakes as you go along. Hopefully you'll learn from both.
...............................
A
female
reader, Justmealone +, writes (4 June 2008):
Don't forget the condoms !
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Now I am 60. When I was a young boy like you (example aged 15,16,17,18) still remember that I wanted to have sex with ladies of 30 and 40. I fancied even one of my teachers. But I never had the guts to ask any one of them for sex. This is a golden opportunity for you if she agrees again. Remember, some older ladies prefer to have sex with teenage boys, as some teenage boys prefer old ladies. But make sure that you use condoms.
Best of luck !
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Wow, have we totally lost our minds in this free for all society. Isn't this woman a good friend of his mom's? Has anyone taken into consideration how his mom will feel? My guess is she will be devistated!
There are plenty of girls your own age out there....go find one.
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Good luck!
I read somewhere that women reach their sexual peak in their mid-thirties, but for men the peak comes at around 17 years old.
So... it could be interesting (understatement of the century?).
If you want to let us know how it goes... (or is that just my voyeuristic side misbehaving?).
Anyway, as I said, good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I'm with Uncle Phil, your legal and you behaved decently, so that must count for something.
If she's unattached, then I can see no reason not to take up the offer. Just be very carefull about it. Tell her that since she offered you can't stop thinking about it, but you understand if the mood has changed in the cold light of day. Reassure her it's your little secret.
Don't ever mention that you've told us agony aunts and the whole world all about her. LOL.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Thanks, that's what I thought. I saw her the morning after, and it was a bit weird. But I have to break the ice sometime, because she will be over again at some point in the next few weeks, and I can't spend all my time avoiding her or feeling awkward around her.
She isn't married and doesn't have a partner, so it's all good. But I know even if I phone her she might have changed her mind, and I'm prepared for that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (4 June 2008):
Uncle Phil! I'm shocked!
If she was drunk, the poor woman will be SO embarrassed when she remembers what happened.
Before you rush to phone her and leap into bed with her (and if you are in the UK and over the age of 16 there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't) UNLESS she is married or has a partner. You really don't want to be getting into THAT sort of mess at your age (or at any age really). If she has a partner, then forget it. Just enjoy the fantasy of what nearly happened. If she is single and unattached, then as Uncle Phil says, why not? In fact, if that's the case then you really should mention it if only to make her aware that it wasn't a problem for you and hasn't worried you in the least. Just be prepared for her to have changed her mind completely now that she's sober.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Oh boy, how I wish I had this sort of opportunity when I was your age!
You were right to turn down her offer when it was made, and not just because of the reason you've stated. She was probably rather drunk and it's amazing how ones' inhibitions are thrown to the wind, and how brave people become when drunk.
I suggest that now she's sober and you've acquired a packet of three you give her a call and tell her you're still interested if she is. Tell her you'd much prefer to do this in a sober state. She's probably thinking she's made a proper fool of herself and will be extremely relieved that you haven't taken offence.
In the words of the prophet "Get in there boy!!"
...............................
|
