A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HEY.. Me and my boyfriend have been together quite a while.i fell for who he was and he fell for who i was. More i got into the relationship i kind of got really attached . I'm always pissed at him for little things, like little things that don't matter. These little things get to me. When he says sorry, i still keep going on about it.What gets to me the most , that i feel like im no were near the top of his list. I miss the way we were, the way he was towards me when we first started dating. I want to know how can i get this back No matter how low or unhappy i feel. i cant let go off him.I know its my fault.I want to know how to stop being so clingy and control my self with the small stuff. I want my happiness back. Love Antonia Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): my girlfriend was like that, if i said sorry she would still carry on, but i realised it wasnt because she was being annoying or it irrtated her so much it was because i still did the things that annoyed her and she knew i would do them again.
all we needed was some time out and we realisd that the small things dont matter.
A
female
reader, Cascara  +, writes (12 June 2007):
I think you have got into the habit of testing him. It seems that sorry is never enough or maybe you have just stopped listening to him. If you know he has apologised have you asked yourself why you continue going on?
The thing is you shouldn't worry about where you are on his list, its make believe and changes everyday for most people. When you are with him and its all good do you feel liked/loved? You will know and then be able to work on that.
You could even sit down and have a discussion about why you feel the need to act the way you do, then he can explain how he feels.
You never know, this could help.
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A
female
reader, rachal  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 i know what it's like at the beggining of the relationship. you feel like you're on top of the world, but then things start to fall apart, he starts letting you slip from a priority to a thing he'll get back to later. believe me, you need to just get over him. i know that it feels like it won't get any better, and i'm still waiting for that to happen myself, but just know that you have someone here who is supporting you.:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Hi Antonia
I know exactly how you feel as I also am in the same position with my boyfriend at first he was so over caring and would call and email me all the time and take me out to dinner and tell me that I was beautiful and that he loved being with me... then a year and a half down the line I find that I am the one calling him, inviting him out (he never suggests anything anymore) or going to great lengths to fit around his schedule and feeling that I am losing my mind and being clingy and needy! well this has not been good for my self esteem at all and have been feeling really insecure. I know that you cannot rely on a man for all your happiness but could he actually be the one making me unhappy? Well there are 2 sides to every story and I believe that with men they grow comfortable once the 'chase' is over and then settle into relationship mode.... but that does not mean that he does not love you or not want to be with you. If you truly love him and don't want to lose him then you have to accept this about him and you will treasure the moments when he does do something sweet or caring. But at the moment sweating the small stuff will only be toxic in your relationship. In the grand scheme of things what is more important to you? ?the small things or him? and once you can answer this truthfully then you know weather to ditch him or move forward with your life... Spend time on your own doing things you love and spend the time with your boyfriend as treasured time so that he will be the one wanting more! easier said than done (i know) so set a small goal of x1 week... and take it from there - you will soon realise if it is working for you! Life is too short to worry about the little things - if he is there for you and says he loves you that's what counts - those are the BIG things
Good Luck, you can do it - you were once a happy worry free independant woman before him and that's what he fell in love with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): OK Antonia,A lot of other people are going to disagree with me here, but I happen to know that I am right on this one. You see, I've been where you are right now. I've been the guy you are dating and you heading straight for a split.I had a girlfriend who was always pestering me about stupid, ridiculous things. She would go off over inconsequential matters and invent things to fight about. Naturally she wasn't like that at first. At first it was great and we never fought but EVER SO GRADUALLY that changed. I accepted it because I thought I was doing "the right thing" by accepting who she was and putting up with her behaviour. I wanted to be there for her no matter how bad things got for us.I look back on it now, and it's funny. I was always waiting for things to get better between us. I'd figure she just needed some more *insert desire here*. So I'd put in a special effort to satisfy said desire. Make a romantic date, or perhaps take care of a job that had been worrying her. She'd be happy and her bubbly self for a short period and then it was back to her neuroses.Eventually, she burnt me out. NOTHING could satisfy her for even a minute. Her desires changed every two seconds and everything I did was wrong. In short, APPEASEMENT MADE IT WORSE. I should have stood up to her and told her enough was enough. This is what her father would have done, and what I should have done.We broke up eventually and I was devastated for about 3 years. I learned my lesson well however. I now have a lovely girlfriend who dotes on me. I am quite stern with her and tell her off when she is behaving poorly. And she loves it. Why? Because if I can stand up to her, I'll make a good husband and provider. I believe I will have a long and happy marriage with this girl.What your boyfriend needs to do is:STAND UP TO YOU.He needs to put you in your place, tell you off and take back the reins of your relationship. Like most young men in this society, he probably thinks that he has to be "loving" and "supportive" and be "understanding", but these are not things that will satisfy women. Heterosexual women don't want to date women with penises. They want to date MEN. I can certainly advise you to stop being so painful to him and to surrender your attempts to control him. This will help of course, but ultimately, your boyfriend has to become a man. And sadly, the REAL men are in hiding from our society.
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A
female
reader, trizzac  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 heya..i think you's should take a break somewhere like a holiday with out been so stressed out at home or wrk..maybe thats all you's need you might need to try and relax take yoga or do strech out a bit that always makes me less stressed..you also need to walk away when you get stressed and just remember you love him and always will but he may not love you if you take your stress out on him lads have feelings too....gud luk and i hoped i helped xxxx
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