A
female
age
26-29,
*issylissy
writes:So, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year (it's a year next month) and we have been very close and he has treated me well and never made me doubt him. However, I got a volunteering job to work overseas. Before that, we were having a few problems and things weren't very smooth with us. Anyway, I was overseas for eight weeks and during that time, I met this guy. We became friends and soon I realised I was developing feelings for him but I didn't do anything cause of my boyfriend. And due to my work schedule, my bf and I didn't have time to talk and we were always fighting whenever we spoke. And anyway, one night I was drunk, and this guy was also partying with us, and he kissed me and we made out. I regretted it at first and so did he, but eventually we started off again and we started seeing each other. And I felt guilty, but I really liked him. Eventually when I left, we broke up but promised to remain friends. Anyway, once I came back, I told my boyfriend the truth and we decided to work on our relationship again. But still, I am pushing him away because I can't forget the guy I met and I don't know what to do. We don't talk cause he's busy but when he can, he makes an effort and I really miss him. I don't know what to do. Please help me out :(
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female
reader, Lana102  +, writes (6 October 2015):
You know what to do, be a good person and let your BF go. He doesn't deserve to have you as a partner if he is the good man you say he is. Think of him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): Follow ur heart..who do you love?
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (17 August 2015):
 Hi,
i would say that as you're still very young, you are still somewhat confused about what what you truly want in your life, relationship wise, right now & that's perfectly ok.
Sure you have been with your bf for almost 1 year now, but this doesn't really mean anything, in the grand scheme of things, certainly not when you're only so young & still finding yourself, in so many areas of your life.
The mere fact, that you kissed another guy when you were both drunk whilst overseas, tells me that you are not completely serious about your bf, because if you were serious about your relationship with him, no matter what, you'd not have continued to make out & start seeing this new guy, after sobering up & coming to your senses.
Most people within your age group, will do the very same thing. They're not yet ready for full on commitment, marriage, babies, etc; & this is very normal.
At present, studying, working, travelling, hanging out, having fun, seem to be more important matters in your life.
Sure, you love your bf, you care about him, but the big thing is that you're not deeply in love, you're not fully committed, because if you were, you'd never, ever have allowed yourself to kiss another man, to even start seeing another man, whilst you already have a bf waiting for you elsewhere.
Only with maturity, will you fully understand, see & appreciate where i'm coming from. This for you, will obviously take much time, as you're still young.
You need to sit down by yourself & think long & hard about what you really want in your life, because although you were honest with your bf when you came back home & this is great, you still in some way, betrayed him, whilst you were overseas working.
You & he would both know this.
Although he may appear ok with what happened & you & he have worked on your relationship again, the damage is still done.
He will, from time to time, remember what happened between you & this other guy.
You see, the trust has already been broken & why don't you try to put the shoe on the other foot & ask yourself.
How would i feel, if my bf did this to me?
When we ask ourselves the question, it brings light & clarity to us & makes us see/realise how serious our actions, even mistakes were.
You cannot go back & change things, you can only learn from your mistakes & move forward.
The fact that you feel as though you're pushing your bf away, because of this other guys also tells me that you are still emotionally connected to this other guy.
You have feelings for him & you cannot deny this obviously, so the question is, what do you now do?
One of the important questions you must ask yourself, to get around this & to make a final & concrete decision, is to ask yourself.
Where do i see myself in 5 years time, do i see myself with my current bf, or who do i see myself with, somebody else?
If you are completely honest with yourself here, then you have your answer. I would then discuss your true feelings with your current bf & let him know that you do see, or you don't see a future with him.
If you truly don't & you still feel attracted to this other guy & as you say, you still miss him, then you may seriously need to think about breaking up with your bf & setting him free, because if/when you truly respect & love somebody, you will set them free.
They're then free to find what they truly deserve, if you can't be the one to fulfill that part of their lives.
Remember, you cannot have your cake & eat it too & if you did, that would be incredibly selfish of you.
You must decide asap, what you truly want, before you break anybodys heart even further.
You now have two men in your life, whom you care about & whom care about you, but if you want a monogomous relationship, you cannot have both men obviously.
Be true to yourself, first & foremost & i think that you already know what the answers you seek are, as you sound like a smart young lady, but perhaps you require re-affirmation before making a final decision.
Finally, we're all human, we make mistakes, but we also want to be true to ourselves & be fair, respectful & kind always to our partners, no matter what direction everything is taking.
All the best, good luck & let me know how you get on. :-)
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