A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:sorry its so long, id really really really appreciate any advice i get though because i am so down about this situation like literally at my wits end, i dont know what to do :(i've posted a few questions on here about my ex... basically we broke up nearly 3 months ago now because we didn't get to see each other enough just due to life basically.. it was his decision to break up, I was hurt because I wanted to work through it and i tried to get back with him over the first 2 weeks of breaking up but he wouldnt, so i cut contact. he literally begged me not to but i felt i had to do it just to look out for myself basically.this evidently hurt him, i got told through mutual friends that he was writing stuff all over facebook that was blatantly aimed at the situation, about going for walks to clear his head, and writing depressing lyrics and stuff. he text me once after i cut contact asking how I was but I told him that if we cant be together I need space from him because it hurt too much.after 5 weeks of not speaking i saw him at a gig and he extremely nervously came over to me and asked me how my holiday had been as id just returned from one- theres no way he'd have known id been on holiday without looking at the facebook profiles of my friends. he clearly really wanted to talk to me. i responded politely and civilly. the rest of the night / day i could see him from a distance staring at me.a week later i bumped into his friends on a night out- they all said it was his loss for not wanting to work through things with me . his best friend then gave me a really long talk about how my ex really likes me he just honestly doesnt feel like he's in the position to be in a relationship right now and how he's pretty down at the fact i wont be friends with him.after this talk i did something really stupid and spur of the moment kissed a guy from my past because i was drunk- this was a ONE OFF, i dont see or speak to him regularly and i told him straight away that it was a mistake.half an hour later my ex turned up at the club, wedidnt really speak apart from say hi and he spent the whole night staring at me. at the end i was feeling a bit drunkenly confident so i went over and randomly hugged him and he hugged me back really tightly. a week after this i was really missing him and as i cut him out my life i thought i should make the first move to get back in contact as i thought it was obvious he'd been feeling a bit crap too. i text him using the excuse of asking for one of my cds back. he didnt reply. 2 days later i text him again saying i just wanted to talk to him, with no response and tried adding him back on facebook just to see if he'd accept that, and he didnt! and he had been online because he'd been commenting on things of mutual friends. i know its bad but the next day i was so frustrated i text him again asking if there was a problem. he then acccepted my friend request straight away and said he'd just been busy with work (too busy to reply to a text?!) and said he'd get my cd back to me when he could (he works a 10 minute drive away from where i live). i text him back 2 days later telling him i was going camping and didnt think i'd have signal just incase he tried to return my cd then. no response.that night on facbook, i noticed he'd liked the status of a man who i understand has also just gone through a breakup, who also keeps posting things about going for walks to clear his head. the status said "no matter how many miles i walk, i still miss her"a week later, the weekend just gone, i saw my ex at a club again. all night some of his friends who i know quite well kept chatting to me and i kept noticing how my ex kept seeing me and preteding not to. like staring at me when we were in view of each other then quickly looking away when i noticed. he made no effort to acknowledge me at all.at the end, i was leaving the club when he shouted me from over the road. i went over to him and we were both pretty drunk but he said something again about returning my cd when he could (only 3 weeks after i first asked him) and i asked him if we could talk because i REALLY feel like we need to. he said he'd give me a text when he was gonna return my cd and said we'd have a chat then. then we had a hug and he said "i really dont want you to be hurt".it has now been a week. i've heard nothing from him. i don't know what to do. i dont want to keep nagging him about returning my cd (i DO want it back, although it was kinda an excuse to talk to him), i dont want to annoy him, i just dont understand whats so hard about coming round after work just to have a much needed talk and to give me my cd back :(i miss him so much, i keep crying about it and i've just had to block him off my fb newsfeed because it keeps coming up saying hes liked photos of random girls and it just upsets me, we were so close right until we broke up and now i just feel like he's 100% over it, doesnt care and that i was never good enough. when we were together i did everything i possibly could to make him happy. i dont understand why he wont talk to me or finally return my fucking cd, he's known he's had to return the cd since we broke up!i dont really know what im asking i just want peoples thoughts or advice :( i miss him so much and i want him back but he just wont talk to me, it's like he's scared or something. i really cant go on like this
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female
reader, hannah22 +, writes (18 August 2012):
Its really hard after breaking up with someone, and cutting contact was the wisest move you could have made. Your situation sounds a lot like mine, however my break up has been 8 months and since then he has been constantly telling me he still loves me. From experience, I know that nothing anyone is able to say will make you feel better. Nobody knows your relationship like you do, and therefore cant give you advice on it. Its the worst thing to hear "you've just got to forget him and move on" like its so easy to do that.
Maybe if you call him, via way he doesnt have the opportunity to ignore you, and suggest that you go to his and collect the cd. Invite him out for a drink so you can talk in a neutral place. It may just be that he doesnt want to had the cd back in fear of losing you forever.
Its a horrible position to be in, I understand that. And his conflicting actions are confusing, but you have to persevere, if only to clear the air. You might find you both regret the decision to break up after all. Good luck! X
A
male
reader, everythingwillbeallright  +, writes (18 August 2012):
I think your ex doesn't know what to do either. He still has feelings for you: he was begging you not to break contact, he stares at you all the time, puts things on facebook which clearly suggest he's having a difficult time because of the breakeup.
But he doesn't want a relationship with you. Either because the feelings aren't strong enough, or because it is practically very difficult for him (he's too busy with work/school/etc).
So now that you are trying to talk with him again, he wasn't sure what to do. Now he decided (and believe me, that's not a very rational decision but rather a emotional decision) to ignore you because he doesn't know how to deal with it. He doesn't want to talk about it because he doesn't know his own feelings. He's probably struggling himself.
Have you tried calling him yet? Text or facebook messages are easy to ignore.
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