A
female
age
26-29,
*enaMay
writes:A few weeks ago, I met a mutual friend of a friend on Facebook. He, like me, is an intelligent, high-functioning Asperger's Syndrome-affected teenager, nearly three years older, but I am nearly seventeen, and has many similar hobbies and interests.In the last few days, we've met in town several times, and spent time in his favourite coffee shop haunts, joking and laughing. The thing is, we'd always hug and walk arm in arm, and confide in each other regarding problems we'd already touched on. He asked if I'd like to see more of him as he'd love to see more of me. All that kind of thing. Kisses and hearts in Facebook messages.He knew of my insecurities and said I had no need to take heed of them as I was an amazing, beautiful person and that he had no greater pleasure than seeing me when he was feeling down.However, I admitted to him yesterday that I'd be interested in seeing him more in a more-than friends context, but that I was scared of saying the wrong thing. I obviously admitted that I thought he was nice and I liked him.However, he said he wanted a friend, not a relationship, he was sorry if he lead me on, and then I brushed it off like it didn't affect me at all, and he said he'd love to see me again tomorrow.What do I say to him tomorrow...and do I ever have a chance to be with him in that way, or do you think his words and actions are very final? I don't know.Thank you.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 I think Asperger's is more common than you think. You are very young, so you are still trying to figure out your wants and needs and boundaries. I think he wants sex. Not that there is anything wrong with that. He's still getting to know you. You can decide later whether a relationship would be a good decision. You count as half of that decision. Just because you are both Asperger's does not make that relationship better than with an NT.
I know that people with Asperger's hate to play games and just wish they can express themselves honestly and literally. They also hate metaphors, idioms, and pick up lines. The game still has to be played, if you want to keep his interest. This is because our minds have trigger points when it comes to attraction. What you can't get seems more valuable.
His words are of course not final. There is nothing you can say to convince him that a relationship is good for you. All you have to do is enjoy his company so that "tomorrow" would come as long as you are happy with each other. That's all that matters. Silence is gold. What you had said before could contradict you later so absolute statements are better kept inside. A security label such as a "relationship" is something that only fearful people need. The law institution, the documents do not protect your relationship. When you decide to love him, you also decide to love your life whenever you are not with him.
A
female
reader, Help mate +, writes (26 February 2011):
 You are so lucky to have found such a wonderful friend. It may be his reaction is a result of his aspergers, maybe not. Cherish the fact that you get on so well together and enjoy the relationship for what it is; he may not be ready just yet for a relationship and there could be any number of reasons for his wish not to be in a relationship at this time; which may have nothing to do with you.Continue the friendship and try not to focus on wanting more; focus instead on what you enjoy about being in his company. In time he may see you differently and things may evolve naturally.You cannot force this and it would be sad to lose him as a friend so just try to accept things as they are and perhaps over time you may come to understand why he just wants a friend at this stage or your suggestion may have given him food for thought and it may stimulate some desire in him. Don’t stress about seeing him tomorrow the worst is over, you asked and he replied. Just carry on being good friends and you will find opportunities crop up naturally where you can ask him about his decision; it is unlikely he said that because he doesn’t like you. It is more likely for reasons to do with himself and when the time is right he may well share them with you.Good Luck
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