| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over three years and I cheated on him in the beggining (first month). By the time he found out a few months later, we were already in love. He was so hurt, and said that I would have to go through a lot to gain his trust back, and I said I was willing to do that. After some time I started hearing that he was cheating on me and lying to me about where he was going. He never admits anything, til this day. First I heard he made out with another girl at a club, and I spoke to that girl. She was really upset and said that she wanted to catch him in his lie, but I was still young and made her out to be a liar, because my boyfriend said she was just making the whole thing up. His friends all admitted that they were there and it happened. One time, last January he said he was going to a restaurant with his friends, where I have been to as well. Everytime I called him, he wouldn't pick up, but would call me and said he didnt hear the phone. But each time, I heard loud music in the background, and I know that restaurant doesnt play loud music. So I called the restaurant and they said they were closed. So I called him and he got upset and hung up on me. I was so hurt that after 2 years, he would still lie to me about stupid little things. We didnt speak for a week and I had my fun that weekend. He still says that he was at the restaurant. Now this past semester I went to California for the semester, and I told myself I would distance myself from him and move on somehow. I figured that if he was going to lie to me about small things, he didnt love me anyway. So I had my fun, went out, the whole nine yards. Then the last night there, I got wasted and turned my phone off. When I woke up at 5am I saw him apologizing to my roomate about waking her up. I was in so much trouble! He thought I had gotten killed, and drove 5 hours to come see if I was ok. I realized then that he still loved me. Then I told myself I would stop lying to him, and realized how much I had distanced myself from him. But each time I think everything is fine, something from before comes up and bugs him. I know he doesnt like me anymore, even if he loves me. He doesnt seem interested in me anymore, and I feel sooo bad, because I was mistakiningly thinking he didnt want me anymore. Now things are in the air, and I feel like shit because I love him. I dont know what to do...Everytime I talk to him I feel like a defendant. HELP!
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