A
female
age
36-40,
*anpopo
writes:i'm writing about my guy again. let's call him stimer for now. honestly, he's weirding me out. i will start from what is bothering me most. in the beginning he would always make an effort to see me, or create contact with me. i can easily account this to the "honeymoon period" being over. i suffer from a-typical bi-polar disorder but recently i have been having a bad depressive low. i constantly assume he's going to hurt me and doesn't really love me and that in the end he's cheating on me. now, he doesn't hide things from me and gives me answers, let's me go through his phone and checks his e-mail in front of me. as of late he has not spent nearly as much time with me and we used to together or even with other people. there are various occassions that come to mind when i mention it feels like he's pulling away. he told me when we spoke last night that it seems our relationship is causing me a lot of pain that doesn't make sense. now to start off there are a few things that are causing me pain. we met online and he still has profiles up that he's been on at least within the last 3 months (we've been dating almost 5, and recently he's just not as communicative with me. before i even showed up, in august, he had a makeout session with an engaged friend and for the longest time called her things like "a stuck up whore" around me and didn't want to be around her and made that known. now he's actually contacting her, one time he told me he was going to go to sleep. (it was actually late, around 11pm) but instead texted her and asked her what she was up to. he told her that if it was a no sleep night for her that she should call because he'd be up till 4 or 5. i'm pretty sure she responded but it wasn't in the phone. however, he claimed this to be an empty token comment to her seeing as how he didn't see anything happening with it. now, i know that we don't have to talk all the time, or be together all the time, but he'll go days without talking to me. either that or i'll just get a "hey it's late, i'm off to bed" kind of message, or i message first. like just the other night i had no contact with him all day, the first message i got from him was "just put 2 and 2 together. i was slowly working on my bottle of vodka after work. shouldn't drive for a while so i'll be heading up tomorrow. how was your day? will i talk to you a little after you get off work?" i told him i was mad.i got no response. thus leading to me telling him to not talk to me and that i don't like it when he conveniently forgets that he's coming down. (he had about an hour long conversation with a friend of his a few states away before i called him after work and never responded). then he told me he was just being sarcastic, that he had only had a shot of the vodka basically and that he was just giving himself time and was going to arrive at around midnight instead. (though this happened to be six hours of time, not just any amount of time.) we talked around 9pm and he came over the next day around 11 am. low and behold i found out he had contacted his (now married) assiciate and said "hey i'm drinking tonight. what are you doing?" to which she said nothing but she was staying in because she felt like she had a fever. he then commented saying something like "just remember, not penguin wihtout you ;)" and it just came off as inappropriate to me. he then said that he just wants to be on good terms with her before she transfers to another station and doesn't want to "just not try" and know that no matter what he did no matter what she says. he now understands why that way of doing it upsets me. either way... when we talked last night it took him all day to respond. i was even on base and he called me as i was leaving after having asked if he had been seen. (the front duty said it had been a while), he told me "hey, i just got home" in a pretty acting voice (i think) and i feel like he's been lying or telling half-truths a lot lately.i also feel like he's just tired of me but he says that's not the case and i'm just not sure what to do.i only texted him once today and then i called after work and simply told him that if he really wants this to work he needs to prove that it's just me and there's really not something missing on his end, versus my belief that it's all my fault, etc.i apologize if not all of this makes sense but i'll be around to elaborate and answer questions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): hey, thats quite detailed i must say! but I can only give you advice that I should be taking myself. I have been in the similar situation, and I stuck in it for about 8 months now. The whole not talking for a few days? I wonder about that... is that just a guy thing? How hard is it to make a quick phone call really? well anyways the advice I can give you is: If you feel like he doesn't care, then move on. Find someone who does care about you, and shows it! I know it's hard, believe me I am trying to do the same, but its difficult when you really like someone and just want to make it work. All i can predict is like that saying "if you love something, let it go, if it comes back its yours, if it doesn't it never was" cliche i know, but it's true if he truly cares for you he won't let you go :) good luck!
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