A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I used to have a few erection problems (losing erections, performance anxiety) when I first started having sex and then overcome them as I got into my relationship.However, last night I was having a party at my house with a few friends and my ex came. Since we split up she hasn't been to fond of me and usually starts arguments with me when we've had a few drinks. Last night was different though we were chatting away and getting on really well. So later that night she came into my room while I was in bed and decided to join me.So I didn't expect anything to happen I thought she just wanted somewhere to sleep but we started kissing and a bit of foreplay and then left it. Then we woke up this morning I was expecting her to probably feel awkward but she was happy and cuddled up to me and we started the same again. We got to the point of sex though and I just couldn't stay erect. I'm doubting this was because of beer because I was sober this morning and I felt nervous when we were about to do it. I can't say why I just felt extremely nervous and couldn't keep my erection like I was new to it all again. I just can't understand why this happened and now I'm back to the way I used to be considering is this going to become a regular thing.Has anyone got any ideas why I would be so nervous especially because I was so close to her before.I'm not sure if it might have been her because I was with another girl the week before and I had no problems at all staying hard and I was very drunk then which is my usually problem.I just feel like I am going to end up with the same problem I had before now it has happened to me once.Any tips on how to keep it out of my mind and how to stay more relaxed and engaged when I am having sex?
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drunk, engaged, erection, foreplay, kissing, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): Glad to help...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks that has helped me and I don't think it worth worrying about because when it was happening I did actually think to myself do I really want to bother with her again. So no I didn't feel that connected to her and I'm not the biggest fan of having sex without some kind of spark.Thanks again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): I'm not a man so perhaps my advice isn't the best, but a boyfriend explained that the difficulty with having sex as a man is that everything has to come together in the moment to make it work; you have to psychologically as well as physically invested in the moment to sustain an erection. Women don't have that problem...
I think what you're worrying about today, you'll one day learn to see as a virtue. Why couldn't you get it up with your ex? Because she's treated you badly after the break up, you don't entirely trust her, and you require more time than a few drunken hours to feel like you've reconnected fully with her on an emotional level. This is not a bad thing at all and it doesn't make you less of a man. There are plenty of men who let there d*cks get them into trouble rather than trust their guts; you are not one of them. I don't think there's any reason to feel like you have a problem or feel badly. You sound well balanced to me.
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