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female
,
anonymous
writes: ok well this is the problem. I'm 13 years old and i think i might be bi. I've gone out with a lot of guys and one of them i even went out with for 7 months! I know you may think its nothing but I have feelings for guys and all but i dont have feelings like that for girls. The thing is, i like looking at pictures of girls naked and things like that. I get turned on when i look at naked girls but for guys i don't think anything of it. I would never want to marry a girl but i think i would like to have sex with one. Also, I have a lot of girl friends and just consider them friends, I don't have feelings for them like i do for guys. So am I gay lez bi straight? please answer back ASAP! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (1 August 2006):
 You're 13, so you're curious. I'm sure there's loads of girls looking at photos of naked girls. You may be straight, bi or gay but you also may just be an adolescent who is discovering her sexuality. At 12 it is worrying for me that you went out with ANYONE for 7 months, as it's too young. Have fun with your friends, but don't rush into working out what sexuality you are as it's way too early to have any sexual contact with anyone. When the time comes you'll appreciate having waited and you'll enjoy it all the more. Stop thinking about marriage you've got a childhood to complete yet!
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (1 August 2006):
You're 13, so you're curious. I'm sure there's loads of girls looking at photos of naked girls. You may be straight, bi or gay but you also may just be an adolescent who is discovering her sexuality. At 12 it is worrying for me that you went out with ANYONE for 7 months, as it's too young. Have fun with your friends, but don't rush into working out what sexuality you are as it's way too early to have any sexual contact with anyone. When the time comes you'll appreciate having waited and you'll enjoy it all the more. Stop thinking about marriage you've got a childhood to complete yet!
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 August 2006):
 Ask yourself this important question: does it matter to anyone else what you call yourself?
You're really young. Your sexuality isn't fixed on one thing or another yet, because puberty has barely even started yet.
It's perfectly OK to feel aroused by pictures of naked women. In fact, because female nudity is so prevalent in our society (think about topless sunbaking, beach culture, advertising, reality TV, porn, late-night TV), you've probably seen 100 times more naked women than you have naked men. They're safer, because their bodies are like yours, and they're a known quantity.
On the other hand, a photo of a naked man with (or even without) an erection can look a little daunting, even frightening at your age.
So, my take on this is that you're experiencing a really normal hormonal increase, and you see women's photos as "safer" to find erotic than men's.
But even if you turn out to be gay, you don't have to wear a sandwich-board around your neck that says "Hi, I'm a lesbian!" Nobody needs to know except you and your preferred partner, and unless and until you're having regular sex with that partner, the label that you slap on yourself doesn't matter.
You can call yourself lesbian or bisexual if you feel it's true, but do be aware that pigeonholing yourself at such an early time in your life can back you into a corner. What if you come out to friends and family at 13, tell everyone you're gay, then meet someone when you're 19 who makes you reconsider everything you thought you were? Do you then have a "going back in" to the closet? Do you contact all your friends and family and tell them you were "just kidding"?
More importantly -- do they care?
The truth of the matter is that most people don't care what your sexuality is, unless they're trying to have sex with you. So enjoy your fantasies and don't feel like you have to "be" anything. It doesn't matter! No one but you cares!
Just be yourself and make your decision about your preferences when you've had a few sexual relationships to reflect on. Anything you try to say before that is like a blind person picking their favourite colour!
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