| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: The man I like is extremely popular (he is the life and soul of the party and I am the wallflower) and is highly successful in his career, whereas I feel like a total loser in comparison. I am in my early 30’s, and I am feeling at the lowest point in my life - I have no job and no income, I am still living at home with my parents because I cannot afford anywhere to live, and all my friends have moved away. I feel totally isolated. This man has hinted that he would like to go out with me and so would I, but I feel I would be a burden on him at this early stage (so I haven’t told him how I feel). I have been really withdrawn and I’m pushing him away when I desperately want a hug. I think he may be feeling confused as to why I am being like this and he has withdrawn a bit from me which is breaking my heart. I don’t think I could handle it if I lost him.He is a really sweet guy and we have so much in common and get on well, but how can I make it work given our totally differing circumstances? I am worried he might think I am after a meal ticket as he has just bought a property, but for me it was love at first sight when I first met him just over a year ago (before he even considered buying somewhere). I desperately want to contribute to any relationship we might have. Emotionally, I have loads to offer - I am loving, kind, supportive, caring and considerate, but my circumstances at the moment has left me feeling insecure (how could I measure up to this popular and successful man?) and my self-esteem is at rock bottom - I wonder how he could ever be interested in me. I can’t see any light at the end of this tunnel. Please help me.
View related questions:
insecure, living at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (15 December 2005):
 Right, now what else do you exactly wish to contribute to the relationship? I'm assuming you mean money because from what I can gather, you can provide this man with everything else. I reckon you would be the perfect woman for him and the qualities that you would bring to the relationship would make any man want to be with you. He would be extremely lucky to have you.
From the financial point of view, you may be on a downer but you have the ability and intelligence to pick yourself up. Trust yourself to get to know him better and allow him an insight into your dreams and ambitions for the future. Make a plan of what your goals are. Is there any training you could do? Courses you could follow?
My heart goes out to you in terms of the isolation you are feeling but if you are able to speak to this guy whom you really like, then you could socialise with others. Again, any groups you could join? Finding just a little job could open up a new social circle.
There is so much light at the end of the tunnel for you. Your posting shows that you are articulate, intelligent, loving and caring. Many men would fall over backwards to be with you and lots of people would love to have a friend like you (myself included!).
So, bite the bullet, armed with your plan for the future, talk to this man...don't back away from him anymore. Allow him to know your thoughts and give him the permission to see what a lovely person you are.
I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (14 December 2005):
 Hi there. I am glad u realised what the problem is in your relationship so it wont be too difficult to tackle. Firstly u should be aware that this guy have the knowledge about your employment status and all u have to offer before he made up his mind he wants u. that means it doesnt bother him. I think u r experiencing what i would term as self pity and worth u and u might destroy urself if u dont snap out of it really soon. Please enjoy yourself and give this bloke a chance. . it doesnt mean cos u have been unlucky in your career path then u dont deserve a good bloke and to be happy. Please please please u seem like a nice person go ahead and make urself happy.
...............................
|
