A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys,I'm kinda in a bind any advice would be great as I can't talk to friends about this.So there's this girl,I like her immensely,I think about her several different times every day,I txt her good morning and goodnight most every day. We have almost everything in common,seem to want the same things in life. Here's the rub,she don't want to be with anyone just now(bad past relationship),and its been that way for about 3-4 months now. So another one of my friends well call him Dave asked out my other friend well call her donna,to which she replied "Dave I don't want to be with anyone right now,I need to work on me",so I decided not to say anything to her about us dating.But here's the thing,donna and I (Ralph) have gone out a few times,got buzzed and never had sex,but we messed around a little bit. So I'm wondering when I should say something to her about "us".Now as I said I in fact really like this girl,but haven't told her I have feelings,and I don't want to cause she told my buddy dave no just a week ago. So should I not either?,I'm thinking I should but I don't want to lose the friendship either,cause I do lime her both as a great friend,and a potential g/f. Now here's another thingI'm confident in my looks yes,but out of pure honesty,I'm not much to look at,I'm a little overweight,I'm sure I'm not the most handsome. But Jesus donna is so incrediblly beautiful,I mean just supermodel hot,in fact her looks are down right intimidating to any woman when we go out,and all the guys stare at us like were together,I've even had huge approach me when she was in the bathroom to ask me how I "got " someone like her,to which I reply we are only friends,then they try for ot and she turns them down,and.comes.back to my side. So idk what to do here,I don't want to lose a great friend,but I am thinking she wants.me to make a move,but tells everyone else she don't want noone. So I'm very confused...help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2011): If she just told someone "no" a week ago, then I would wait a month or two before I ask her. Statistically, people are likely to give the same answer twice in close succession.
I would also search "friend zone" on this site. You might be there. Sometimes a woman who doesn't want to date anyone or is just out of a relationship will mess around or befriend a guy BECAUSE he's safe and she perceives him as non-dateable. I'm not saying that's the case with you, I'm just saying it's a pretty common female phenomenon and it could potentially fit your context.
Pretty common signs you're in the friend zone: she confides to you about her ex a lot,or she mentions other men she's interested in; or she's self-deprecating (doesn't think she's pretty enough, interesting enough, etc.) and allows you to flatter her.
You might get advice on this site saying that you should just voice your intent and tell her you would like to date her. Some uncles might even say if she's says she's not interested, you should stop being friends. The tricky thing about that is that she's likely to interpret any awkwardness after that fact as your interest in her just being a veiled interest in potential for sex. I'm not sure what to tell you; but you'd find out the answer to your curiosity a lot sooner if you followed this sort of advice. I suppose it all depends how much a friend you want to stay with her...
Another option I might suggest is to stop making out with her. I would say that her messing around with you is a good sign that she's interested in you in a physical way ...but if you stop doing it, it will likely force a conversation about your status at some point. I'm not sure which one of you is the one initiating it, but when it comes up (and I'm pretty sure it will) tell her you don't want to do it without knowing how she feels about you. That might be another way to broach this one.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): I'd say tell her. It could be she just wasn't into your other friend 'Ralph' and used that as an excuse.
You won't know until you try but you also have to just accept the fact you may get knocked back. Which is a risk everyone takes when they ask someone out.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 I think you should just be honest to yourself and to her, tell her you have feelings for her, at the end of the day the worst she can do is say no to you, and if that happens well then just accept it and ask her can you still be friends, am sure she wouldn't let it ruin your friendship and at least then you know that you tried, or it could go the other way and she may tell you that she has feelings for you as well and you are the one she has been waiting on, go for the risk. You have nothing to lose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): It sounds like she does want you to make a move, if she keeps coming back to you and turning other guys down. She may have just told your friend that to let him down in a nice way because she is not interested in him. Tell her you would like to be more than "just friends" and see what she says, but be cool if she says she is not interested, then tell her you still want the two of you to be friends, because you have a lot in common. If you never make your feelings know, well then you will never know what could have developed between the two of you and you would always be wondering what if.
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