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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 20 years old and have been dating my boyfriend, 22, for almost a year and a half. This is the first and only relationship either of us has had. We were both very inexperienced and have had a lot of "firsts" together. About three months into our relationship, we kissed for the first time. I already knew he had never kissed anyone before and he asked me if I had ever kissed anyone. I don't know why, I guess I was just too embarassed, but I told him that I had kissed three different people. In reality, I had only kissed one and it was the biggest mistake I have ever made. He was very hurt that he was not my first kiss too, but loved me nonetheless. I told him three short stories of these "kisses" which were in reality just exaggerated stories of three people I would have liked to kiss. Almost a year went by and when he kept questioning me, I confided that I had only kissed one person. The true story behind the kiss was horrible, I went to a party and somehow my two girlfriends came up with the idea of a group kiss with this guy (who was drunk) that we were friends with and had crushes on. I didn't have any idea what to do and stuck my face by theirs and he basically slobbered on me. I didn't have the heart to tell my boyfriend this because I was scared that he would think I was a horrible person and break up with me. What I told him was that I was innocent and sitting next to this guy and he leaned over and kissed me. My boyfriend believed me but I felt horrible about the lie and continue to feel horrible that I have hurt him so badly. He has been nothing but honest with me and I know this, and I feel like I don't deserve to be with him after doing this to him. I finally got the courage to tell him the truth and he did what I expected and broke up with me. I know he still loves me and I can't imagine my life without him, but I have hurt him so badly that he has every right to leave me. I may be selfish, but I want to be with him more than anything.People always say that your first relationship is destined to fail and I hope that it's not true. I love him so much and all I want from life is for us to be happy together, but I don't know if he will ever be able to trust me again, after I have lied and the stories have changed for him so many times. He says that he can't believe anything I tell him because he doesn't know if I am lying.Is it possible for him to ever trust me again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): Be honest! If he does truely love you and you can be honest with him, time may heal this. Give him his space if he wants it and if you talk maybe it would be helpful if you explained just how truely embarrassed you were about your first kiss. Goodluck!
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 It is your right to keep some things about yourself to yourself. This is personal privacy and personal space. If I had been asked in your place I would not perhaps not have shared so much information because I have made the mistake before. Anyway he should have forgiven you instantly because everything that you have experienced in the last months together should make that possible. A mature man would have realised that you felt under pressure. I don't understand why you can't forgive yourself one little error. I had a boyfriend once who kept asking me more and more intimate questions about myself. He bombarded me for three days and I was so exhausted at the end I told him all sorts of lies just to shut him up. Most of what I said was not true. It was controlling and he was brainwashing me. You have a right to be yourself, not to be owned and should see that huge red flag waving because I think that your partner may be very controlling and possessive. You may be showing signs that you do not feel much self esteem, there is no way that you should be ashamed of a kiss. This is your youth and you should be free to make innocent mistakes. Be careful because I think he will want you back once he has punished you enough and he will have more control over you and you will be ever more afraid of what you can say. He will show signs of not believing you and you may start working much harder than you should to convince him that you are genuine. This will seep further and further into all sorts of aspects of your life until one day he controls the bank accounts, does not believe that you were where you said you were, who you were talking to on the phone etc etc. I hope that you don't find my words too harsh or negative it is just that I have been there and suffered enormously. Now I know signs that indicate possible problems. Good luck though.
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