A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About four months ago me and my boyfriend broke up when we both went to university. He treated me very badly for two months prior to this breakup and all the time i was doing everything i could to make it work. Looking back now i lost alot of self respect putting up with what he was throwing at me for so long such as sending emails to another girl at his university that seemed sexual (they are currently together now), not letting me see him for his birthday and avoiding me at all costs. I felt extremely hurt by this as before uni we were the closest couple you could ever meet, he was my best friend and we spent every waking moment together. However just as we were beginning to work through our problems i met a guy in a club one night (i will call him X). X seemed amazing and gorgeous and i automatically told my boyfriend that i couldnt put up with him any more and broke up with him. He then preceeded to come running back to me apologising for all his wrong doings, however i dismissed this and knew that if i was attracted to another man surely our relationship couldnt have worked. In my head i thought that me and X would have dated for a few weeks and then become an exclusive couple as this is what had happened with my previous boyfriend. However things did not turn out this way, and we have slept together countless times but telling me he didnt want any commitment. Many people at my university warned me that he was a ladies man and said to 'be careful'. Me being the fool i am have now fallen deeply in love with X and i thought that in exchange for sex he would fall in love with me. This did not happen. He has met another girl and now seems to be in some sort of relationship with her, whilst at the same time is still sleeping with me. I know to outsiders it seems i have no self worth sleeping with a man who has no intention of making any committment with me and only using me when it suits him, but because i am so deeply in love with him i am weak and give in to his advances. He is actually a very decent honest person, and does not mean to cause any of the hurt he has on me. But he has made the last four months of my life absolute hell. I know i should stop sleeping with him but i am so enticed towards him because of how badly he treats me, in a way i like that he treats me like this which is an absolute awful thing to say but it is true. He comes to my room at four oclock in the morning some nights stumbling in drunk and then leaves the next morning. Every time he leaves it feels as if somebody has stabbed me in the heart. But to make matters worse i have recently spoken to my ex boyfriend and realised i still have feelings for him even though he has a girlfriend. I feel so confused as now i am beginning to question whether i broke up with my boyfriend for the right reasons and really resent X for making me throw away my relationship, yet at the same time am in love with him. So here are my problems, i am madly in love with X and would do anything for him, yet now i am questioning whether i am still in love with my ex boyfriend who is now in a new relationship, and every time i see a picture of him and his new partner together it makes me break down and cry. What is wrong with me? Am i in love at all? Do i just want what i cannot have? I have realised i am an extremely co dependent person and i dont know whether i was just trying to cling on to X because of my previous relationship ending. Do i tell my ex boyfriend how i feel and ask if he would take me back? And how do i get over X knowing he will never fully commit to me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): I think you are attracted to X because of the 'bad-boy don't give a damm' attitude. You should definatly end any kind of relationship with him. He's just using you and thinks that he can just come to when he wants sex and drop you staight afterwards. You're right that you're not repecting yourself or your body.
I think you need to forget about both of them and stay of guys for a while so you can get over both your your ex and X. There's no point in ruining the new relationship your ex has with his new girlfriend. Think how you would feel if you were in her position and his ex girlfriend came along to ruin your relationship?
You would end up hurting your self as your ex obvious doesn't feel the same about you anymore and his new girlfriend. If you do think you love your ex you should just accept that he's happy and move on with your life.
You deserve someone better than your ex or Mr Ex. You have a right to be loved as someone loves you.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (19 June 2007):
 You're not in love with your ex, you're just regretting finishing with him for the loser you're with now. Uni is a strange time in your love life. In school you're introduced to what it means to be in love and have a relationship and then you go to uni and take a massive backstep and for a while, it all becomes about casual sex. Break up with X. He has no respect for you and surely it's better to be alone than feeling as degraded as you do when he sleeps with you then leaves. There are uni guys who want serious relationships, you just need to find one and take it slow and realise that there is no shame in being single in the meantime. Good luck.
CD
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