A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:iv been wonderin whether i should even ask this question... met my boyfrend bout 5 mths ago. and i cnt even say in words how madly in love we were. we met every single night and just clung together for the whole night. i finally thought i found the 1. the connection i felt was so real i felt it deep down into my soul. i told all my friends i loved him. and jow we were so alike. he was like the male version of me. !!!! i mean like uncanny things used happen. we loved all the same things. and hated the same things. how often in the world do u get that!! it had to have meant something. anyway. it went downhill so fast. we fought soo much. i was so scared he'd cheat on me. he felt the same bout me. it was like paranoia all round. scared to get hurt. do u get over paranoia...is it worth breakin up over if its that bad like....i dont know how im goin to save us. its just soooo unfair. im so a that love is just a chemical reaction that doesnt last that long after all. how is it soo unfair that i felt THAT!! when it was never going to work anyway....i hate it. destiny sucks if this is the way its meant to be. i want wat i want andits him. im soo mad. i feel like im helpless to the universe and how it chooses to run my destiny... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jeff198128  +, writes (12 September 2010):
Sounds like things were going really well at first and started falling apart, it happens. But paranoia of someone cheating yes ive felt the same way before. Even when I thought it was going on at times, turned out that I was wrong. Trust is a big thing in a relationship, with no trust theres not much a relationship, from feeling stress to paranoia of things going on. Try to talk to him tell him how you feel.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 September 2010):
 If every couple split up after the infatuation period, no one would get married.
Whenever you feel fear, anger or shame and you get reactive, always remember your relationship to him is more important than being right. You can feel connected even when you disagree on something. Let down your pride, be the first one to say sorry even neither one of you did anything wrong. The infatuation needs a chemical called dopmaine or something. For a longer lasting bond you need a stronger, reliable chemical. Hugging, whispering something in his ear and appreciating him help you produce endorphins. It doesn't mean that passionate chemical is no longer there. It's just that you need more than just passion in order for the relationship to survive.
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A
female
reader, HelpfulStranger +, writes (12 September 2010):
I think the problem between the two of you is that you are too alike. I know it may sound weird but people who are too alike seem to fight all the time. I think that if you truely trust him and he truely trusts you then the paranoia should stop once both of you are 100% certain that there will be no cheating involved.
You should both sit down and discuss where ''ye'' stand with eachother. If you both talk it out then maybe you and him could fix the problems and be as happy as possible.
Best of luck,
HelpfulStranger x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): The first half of your questions discusses how alike you both are. There must be a common ground. Then you seem to have let insecurities and jealousies take over. Look, there are no guarantees, you may start out together and then one of you may have an affair. yes, ok. But this is not definite. But you must not base your relationship on an event which may or may not happen. And a possible bad event does not negate the good things that happened before. Live for the positive now and definite, not the negative and maybe future.
It is likely that neither of you ever cheat. Talk to him.
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