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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years, since I was 15 and although I still care about him, I no longer feel the same. However, when I tried to end it with him, he flipped and started threatning all sorts of stuff, including beating up some of my friends from college. He then went through my mobile phone while I was asleep, read my text messages and flipped out when he saw a text from one of my college friends saying "i love you and hope 2 c u soon" the message wasn't for me but when I told my boyfriend, he didn't listen. The day of my exam, he came to my college and embarrassed me by demanding to see this boys phone to see if there were any messages from me. Please help, I know I'm in a destructive relationship but I don't know how to get out of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2005): EEEK!! You are far too young to be emotionally blackmailed!! I agree with the earlier replies.. think of yourself. You have your whole life ahead of you...your future - not with him.Get out as soon as poss.It isn't for you... your happiness lies elsewhere hun. Lean on family and friends... they will soothe your pain. He will only make it worse.Run Run as fast as you can!!!{{{{{HuGE HUGS}}}}}}
A reader, maxine wilson, writes (15 March 2005): I know exactly how you feel. I was in a relationship like this for 3 years and it's extremly hard to leave. You're scared of what will happen to you and him, but you shouldn't think of him at this point. It's you that is important. The relationship was over the minute you decided on planning to leave him. Sorry to be to blunt, but this is true. In my opinion the best way to do this is to find a friend or a relative who you can trust to let you stay for a while. I know it seems that you're running away, but when you don't have to panic every 5 minutes abouts whether he's gonna knock on your door, turn up at college, you start to relax. You will start enjoying your own company and remembering how nice it feels to have time for yourself and with friends. Men like that give up after a short amount of time if they are not getting any attention off you and especially if they feel that you are no longer scared and that they can't overpower you. They give up; this is what drives them. Staying strong and staying away will help you get what you want from him and yourself.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (14 March 2005):
 It seems to me as if the guy you are with is very possessive and extremely afraid of losing you. Unfortunately, it is his behaviour, probably amongst other things, that is driving you away.You have been with him a long time and I think you are recognising that the relationship has run its course. It is a destructive relationship and as a result, you must consider your safety.Make sure your friends are aware that you are about to try and end it with him again and ask if you could meet one of them after you have done it so that you are safe. Perhaps more than one would be a good idea.Arrange to meet your boyfriend in a public place and break it to him again that you feel you have grown apart and that it is best for the both of you for it to be over. Explain to him that if he does harass you then you will involve the police as you just don't want this and you want both of you to be able to get on with your lives. Try to be as tactful as possible and calm. Then leave and meet with your friends. He is less likely to attempt anything with others around you and they will also be aware of what he can be like.Perhaps he has a reason to mistrust you but even if he does, his behaviour is making the situation worse. You have to be cruel to be kind but do consider your safety first.Good luck.
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