A
female
age
41-50,
*ikkyr
writes:I need some help here guys... My boyfriend and I are in a deadlock over this issue. We have been dating for 2 and a half years, we had a really rough patch about a year ago. He cheated on me, finalised his divorce etc. Now during that period we fought like mad. Obviously he told his friends what was going on and they grew to dislike me for fighting with him. He publicly cheated on me in front of my friends.After a few months we decided to give things another go, I was worried about what my friends would think and say as obviously they were very skeptical given how he had hurt me. Over the last few months I have included him in everything I do with my friends, and they have grown to like him again and can see that he was going through some life troubles that affected his judgement. They can see we love each other and have accepted our relationship.He on the other hand as yet to include me with his friends, granted they are mostly just guys whereas mine are a mixed bunch. But he goes out with his friends and will not include me. When I ask why? He says its because I dont see eye to eye with his mates. It annoys me so much. I want to be included every now and again, I fully understand boys nights out but I really dont understand when there are other girls around why I cant be included. He has a real party when he is out with his friends and it makes me very insecure never to be allowed to be included given our history. There just doesnt seem to be any balance.I get very upset when it happens time and time again, Im not very in control of my emotions and I get very angry. So now we are in a deadlock because he says I should discuss the issue nicely with him and control my anger and I feel like we have this same fight time and time again but nothing changes and that I have a right to be upset. This last time it happened, I found facebook photos of him being very friendly with two girls and in the one photo the girl is standing at the bar with her hand on my boyfriends leg. It really upsets me because I start to think the reason I am not joining him on his nights out is because I cramp his style. He says he loves me and would never do anything inappropriate to hurt me. Its like he has created this double life where he is this loving committed man at home but when he is out with his friends he is this man who acts single and pushes the limit with these single party girls. How do I get him to understand???Ive asked him to put himself in my shoes, Ive asked him to have think about how he would feel if he was the one left at home all the time and he found photos of me behaving like that. But he just doesnt get it. Im not a party girl, I will never actually behave like that to make him jealous. But I need him to understand and make some changes....I know my rage is out of control when Im upset, and Im not very nice to him. But I feel justified in being angry.
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cheated on me, divorce, facebook, insecure, jealous, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 You might not be as justified in being angry as you think. First off you willingly out yourself in this situation. Hhe cheated before yet you go back to him so you can continue to worry if he will cheat. Your friends don't like him but you force them to by bringing him to every event. Perhaps he feels awkward about this. And isn't willing to force your company on his friends when they don't like you. Is it fair what he does? Maybe not, but you agreed to go back into a relationship with him knowing his friends doesnt like you, knowing he has cheated on you before. You demand a lot from him that he is unwilling to give to you. Perhaps, instead of forcing him to obey, you should see that this man is not giving you what you need in a relationship and move on to something better. You're the only one who made yourself go back to him. What you see is what you get and you accepted it. So do you have a right to complain? Not really. You do however have solid reasons to leave.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): He is stringing you along. Ditch him. He is likely cheating on you again, or at least acting inappropriately. If he doesn't care about you enough to bring you along sometimes, then you are in a completely one sided relationship.I know it is cynical, but people don't change. This is something you have to accept or move on from. I'd recommend moving on.
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