A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and unclesI have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for eight months (I'm 27 and he's 29)...we meet most weekends and we always have the best time together....apart from when we have to go our separate ways! I love him dearly and miss him so much when we don't see each other, he is constantly on my mind...I feel like I annoy him sometimes because I always send him cute good morning/night messages and tell him how much I love him about three times a day, along with cute pictures and how my day is going...we don't call each other that often but we text all the time.Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me as much as I love him because he always takes ages to reply to my messages and rarely tells me how much he misses me...sometimes I don't even know if he does miss me because he never tells me...he tells me he loves me and has missed me in person but I guess what I'm saying is I don't know if I believe him...I just want to feel wanted and needed by him..I realize that I am a clingy girlfriend and I want to get out of acting like this because I don't want to push him away but all I do is think about him constantly and then I can't help myself from messaging him. Any advice on how to give him some space?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2014): HI
It seems to me that you have a bit of a self esteem problem and that you are constantly looking for reassurance from him. Feeling insecure in a relationship can be unbearable, it chips away at your self esteem and can eventually lead to damaging the thing that you most treasure, likewise being involved with an insecure person can be draining and inevitably lead to a break up too.
You are questioning whether he really loves you and your insecurities are guiding your behaviour.You are testing him at every opportunity. This is a sure fire way to sabotage your relationship.
Here are the 5 signs of insecurity in a relationship
Irrational jealousy
Obsessive thoughts
Fear of being rejected or abandoned
Lack of trust
Extreme clinginess or neediness.
It seems to me that you have ticked a few of those.
If you want to begin to overcome your insecurities, not for the sake of this current relationship but for yourself then you need to be confident in yourself. If you have a good sense of your own self worth you'll be confident in your relationships.
One of the best ways to understand relationship insecurities is to understand the root cause. Have an honest think to yourself about what it is that makes you behave this way. This is about you, not just your relationship with your boyfriend. You need to start to care about your self-worth and self-esteem. You need to take control and be brave, you need to take action. You do have the answers inside you and you know the real truth of this relationship. If he really does love you then you should be able too trust him, you should not need constant reassurance. However if you believe that his feelings aren't what he claims then you should probably be brave and move on.
The fact is, that as it stands, this relationship is not doing you any good. You need to take charge of the situation, be honest with yourself and work very hard on your self-worth, no constant 'i love you' texts, no constant need for reassurance. If you feel you can trust him then maybe let him know how you feel and what your fears are, let him know that you are aware that you are being clingy and let him know that you want to change, with his help. Sometimes talking about the problem can immediately reduce the pressure that the problem brings.
You sound like a really great person who has lost their way a little, so to get back on track be brave, be honest with yourself and do it for you, not him.
Good luck.
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