A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In love with a married man.I know he is married but he doesn't always wear his wedding ring. He hasn't worn it in months. He has stared at me often, called me baby and made it obvious that he is attracted to me. The last day of work before break he stared at me for a prolonged period of time. I was the one to look away first because his gaze was so intense. He has winked at me and takes every opportunity to look at me and lets me see him looking at me before he looks away. And I swear today when I first saw him in the lunchroom he did not have his wedding ring on. Then I saw him 20 minutes later in the same lunchroom and he was wearing his wedding ring. We've been back to work 3 months and NOW he chooses to wear his ring? It was like he stabbed me in the chest today. I know he is married and I should leave him alone. I can't and I would really like some advice. Does it sound like he wants me too? I can't bare the thought of not being with him. I love him, I think he is so sexy. I just don't know how to proceed. Any helpful hints would be greatly appreciated. And no judgments please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): You should do nothing, and move onto to other guys who are single. If this guy gets divorced and becomes single then you can do whatever you want. he hasn't de-invested himself from his marriage if he's not divorced. if you start something with him, you're getting involved with someone who still has one foot firmly planted in his marriage. Why would you want to start out a relationship where you are in it 100% and he's only in 50%? that's a very unequal relationship right from the start. Then you will get paranoid about which way he'll go, if he'll come all the way to be with you by getting divorced or if he'll go back to her. That's what happens when you get involved with someone who is already involved with someone else. it's just a roller coaster ride for you.from there on, even if he does divorce his wife other people and her will blame you for it and that does you no favors and adds more stress to whatever relationship you have with him. so you see it's just better all around not to go down that road. If he's unhappy enough in his marriage that he's actively looking around, he can put his money where his mouth is and get a divorce first and if he doesn't then that shows you he's not the kind of person who backs his words up with actions.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Yea leave him be til he divorces and he says he is ready for a new relationship. Sounds like ur hormones are more at work here than logic. Get that together. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I don't wear my wedding ring at work, either. It's not because I'm trying to show other guys I'm "available". Where I work, I use a lot of harsh chemicals and don't want it to get damaged. It's possible he also has a different reason for not wearing his ring, so don't jump to conclusions.
Anyway, we've all wanted someone we couldn't have at one time or another in our lives. If I said I NEVER become attracted to other guys besides my husband, I would be a liar. It's called self control. You don't act on your fantasies. Just because you're single doesn't make it any less wrong to go out with a married man than it would be for me to cheat on my husband. Besides, if he is willing to cheat on his wife with you, what makes you think he would be faithful to you? Back when I was dating and trying to find the right guy, I would have never gone with someone who cheated on, and/or left someone else to be with me, because I would be too afraid history would repeat itself.
If you absolutely can't control yourself, then you need to change jobs. Cut all contact with him. If you're friends with him on any websites, delete him. Also delete his number if you have it.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (6 November 2012):
 Let's say for arguments sake that he is interested in you. Why would you want to get involved with a man who is willing to cheat on his wife? Is that the kind of character you want in a man?
Think about this very carefully. You're setting yourself up to be the "other" woman - the one on the side who always plays second to the one he is married to. Is that really the type of relationship you're looking for?
What you're experiencing isn't love, it's lust. You're in love with the "idea" of him, but you don't know him enough to really be in love with HIM. I'm sorry, but working with someone for a year, doesn't mean you KNOW them.
You know how he is when he's at work - you know how he behaves around his other co-workers - you know how he does his job... But if you've never spent any time with him outside the work place, seeing how he lives the rest of his life - if you've never had any intimate (not referring to sex) one on one time together, engaged in those deep personal conversations that allow you to really get to know someone, then you only know the co-worker, not the man.
What is his favorite color? What kinds of music and movies is he into? Does he have any hobbies? How does he spend his time away from work? These are just a few of the basic things you know about someone after you've spent time getting to know them one on one.
You're not in love, you're in lust - and he isn't yours to lust after. If you were his wife, you would not take too kindly to a woman he works with, interfering with your marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I totally agree with the other female anonymous post.. He could have been flirting due to inner relationship issues hence, the non wearing of his wedding ring.. But wearing it signifies one big loud unspoken thing..
I AM TAKEN, GET OVER ME..
Leave this guy be... We are not going to advise you how to step up and have an affair, as that is unfair to his wife who is at home ..
I'm on not judging you, it's hard when their sexual attraction but we are not animals, we can put our lust (as that what it is) to the side and say if he was single, hell I'd give this a go but he's married and I'm best out of it..
That's the moral thing to do, isn't it?
Take care find someone single, sweetie.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): "Just wanting to know an objective viewers opinion and how to take it further."Wait for his divorce to become final, then ask him out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): There are many fish in the sea, leave this one alone as he is taken. I imagine he may have not worn his ring due to a difficult time in his marriage; maybe even temporary separation..the eye goggling sounds to me he may have been merely trying his luck and see if he can get lucky. It also seems like better sense may have gotten the better part of him as he didn't pursue the temptation. Now that his ring is back on may mean he was able to resolve whatever issues he may have been having in his marriage. I would say, look the other way and find yourself a man that you deserve and can be yours to keep and not just a fling with a married guy. Most of these don't have happy endings. We all have weak moments, but you are better of walking away now and saving yourself from severe heartache down the road. If stares and looks have you this rattled up, imagine after he is done with you how deeply wounded you might be? As I said, there are many fish in the sea, don't limit your options.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I did not fall for the man just because he makes prolonged eye contact with me. We've worked together for over a year. We go through periods of avoiding each other because we're attracted to each other. We go through periods where we don't want to let the other know we are looking at each other. But we always end up back staring at each other, and being nervous as hell around each other. We are very compatible, we are VERY aware of each other at all times. I can be speaking softly to someone else with him in the same area and he hears me and responds to what I am saying. His tone of voice changes when he's around me. So I do know him. Just wanting to know an objective viewers opinion and how to take it further.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): All it took is for you to fall in live with him is for him to stare at you for;prolonged periods of time. Wow. Really? I don't have no other comments because Im just floored. Call it judgement whatever you want. You don't know jack about this man from what you wrote but that he is married. Because he is staring at you you're head over heels. Again, I have no real advice because I'm floored. Im really writing this so you can reevaluate your feelings.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): "I know he is married and I should leave him alone. I can't and I would really like some advice. Does it sound like he wants me too?"
He doesn't want you "too" (in addition to his wife), he wants you "on the side" (strictly at his pleasure and his convenience, no obligation and no commitment whatsoever, when boinking you won't otherwise interfere with his married life).
"I can't bare the thought of not being with him. I love him, I think he is so sexy. I just don't know how to proceed. Any helpful hints would be greatly appreciated. And no judgments please."
Helpful hints with no judgements:
I hope you found the above hints helpful and not judgemental.
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