A
male
age
26-29,
*hemar
writes:I am a gay male who has been having sex with this straight thug male for years. he is so down low it kills me at times. he has a girlfriend. just to be with him I let him and her come stay with me. we only have sex late at night when she stay at her mother house. I get fine myself getting so mad when I here or think they are having sex. so I started being an ass to her so he left. now I hurt, sad, and along. I miss him so much I love him but I know he will never love me like I love him because of the life he live. he used coming back cause he want his cake and eat it too. but this time he didn't its been almost 2 weeks. I'm so sad everyday. I can't stop thinking about him. What I do about this problem I have?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2013): You get a life and get used to him not being there. You get busy and do things that make you feel happy. You teach yourself that you deserve something better, and you find something constructive to do with the time you waste thinking about him.
You need to get out and spend time with friends. You need to expose yourself to other personalities. You've become addicted to that secret DL homo-thug. That deep and mysterious bad-boy type. You are hung-up on a fantasy type.
He's just another player, and you know it. Don't feed on the drama. You're too young to be sitting about wasting your life away. The problem is, you're going to fixate on the "type" and replace one with another. You want to feel like you have a straight man. You feel you magically change him from "straight" to "gay," because you have something special that he wants. You just scratch another itch. He's happier in the closet, and playing with you in the dark.
I know so many gay men who are doing the same thing. They're always frustrated. They seem to like the drama and self-pity. Until you find a guy who is strictly involved with you, you'll be singing the same old blues. These thugs either beats them up, steals from them, ends up in jail, or gives them an STD. I hope you practice safe sex! ALWAYS!!! Guys like him are in the high risk group for HIV infection and other STD's! His poor girlfriend better get checked!!!
You're very young. You'll be up and kicking in another two months. You miss the sex more than you miss that thug. He's out running the streets, causing trouble, and messing around with someone else.
I predict that he'll be sneaking back around soon. You'll foolishly take him back. Just remember how you're feeling right now. Do you think you can keep it up?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): As hard as it is, you need to cut this guy free and move on. Not only is he involved with someone else, you have allowed yourself to be put into the category of "the other man". He's cheating on his girlfriend and is not being honest about his sexuality. He could very well just be testing the waters too...don't be his test dummy.
Keep yourself busy and try not to think about this guy. He's no good for you and you deserve to have someone who will give all of them to you, not just a small secret part of them. And try not to be bitter or take it out on other people. For example, the girlfriend did not deserve that treatment. Remember, she is in the dark and being cheated on. How would you feel if you were being cheated on? food for thought...don't be a part of the problem of deception.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2013): Well, you got yourself in a pickle. I know you are in pain, but why did you ever get involved with a taken man? Not to mention someone who is afraid of there sexuality.
There is not much you could do but have faith that this pain will go away, believe me it does. And try to work on yourself. It's hard, I know, but you will get through this and grow from this if you allow yourself to.
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