A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I still have feelings for my ex. He already made it clear he only sees me as a close friend. We never did anything when we were together not even kiss this is why we broke up he saw our relationship as more as a friendship, we act more like a couple now. Im confused coz i wud feel really uncomfortable if boys try and touch me in a certain way, but if its my ex i dont mind i like it,like i want him to please me i feel quite bad like i want to be touched in certain ways by him. Does this make me a hoe? We're best friends and flirt and mess around, during the xmas holidays we got closer physically jus feeling up eachother. I didnt mind i liked it and i knew not to think anythin of it, he really respects me coz he was hesitant and looked scared 2 touch me,but i said it was ok. He said he's worried he mite be leadin me on,he says he feels bad and would never want to take advantage of me so he wont do anything for long but he's not i jus wanted to feel attractive. Is that bad? Anyway today we went to the cinema with a couple of friends, we sat next to each other during the film i laid my head on his shoulder, we accidently touched hands a few times den i rest my hand on his thigh (not on the inner thigh) in the middle and outter thigh and i moved my fingers and traced words around his thigh. He asked me if i was ok coz he noticed i looked down because i 4got 2 tell my mum we a later movie, then he rested his hand on my knee and slowly his finger touched my inner thigh and did a circular or something motion with his fingers, but den he'd randomly quickly take his hand away. Later he asked me if i was ok i said yeah, after a while his hand went back again then did the same move his hand away quickly, during the end of the movie he put his hand on my thigh again he was hesitant as usual, but to my surprise his hand went higher den i expected not in my personal area but still quite high, then i had weird mixed feelings i liked it but im worried he may look down at me now even though its touchin my thigh i never experienced that before so i was a little scared as well he mite go too high but he didnt.Is he just looking for fun or is he confused?Advice much appreciated x
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Confused I think...
Young lady, I think this touching thing could be dangerous and things might go too far sexually. At the moment, you are feeling sexy and your testing your powers on him and he is responding.
But he's not your boyfriend, he's your ex and he's your good friend. In a way, he's safe because you know he cares. But then he's dangerous, because he's safe you feel brave and are going further than you did in your relationship and further than you would with another guy.
Your 16-17, that means your legal, for your own protection I suggest you find your nearest family planning clinic and ask them for condoms. I know you don't intend to have sex right now, but it's better to be prepared, than get overheated and be careless one night.
I think he feels better with you as a friend, but he also finds you sexy. That means he is promising you nothing, giving you nothing, but will use (sorry) your body if you offer it up to him. Time to pull back, and stop making it so easy. If he wants to be sexual with you, then he needs to make some type of commitment. At the moment he's flirting and fondling a young girl who cares for him, and he is careful to say that he's doesn't want to hurt you, but he's not offering you anything.
This puts the responsibility on your shoulders. If you two have sex, and the next day your back to being friends and he starts dating someone else, then how will you feel.
Best to save your sexual energy for a guy who wants to be a proper boyfriend to you. Be careful, don't let him use you and throw you aside.
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