A
female
age
41-50,
*ipp
writes:i have been with my partner for 9 years we have 3 children together (the last one being 2 months old). I have know since before we got together that he watches porn. I have also know that he is into shemales and gay porn as well as straight and bi-sexual and women on women. What i didnt know was how much he watches of it and when i found out i was really hurt. i dont want to be hurt, i know that its not a bad thing, but i was hurt, if he is attracted me why isnt there any porn in where the women look like me. I am not huge but i am not small either. I got really confused as to why he needs to watch so much of it and then the self doubt started and now i just feel really ugly and gross all the time. I also think that it is unfair of me to ask him (if his desire is so strong) not to sleep with other people. I dont want to sleep with anyone else, but it would really sux if you wanted to and you felt like you couldn't. I told him that if he wanted to sleep with better looking people and if he is turned on by other people so much then he should, he told that he doesnt want to that he is commited to me and only wants to be with me. Then i find heaps of shemale porn or young women porn on his computer. I dont understand i have said for him to go and get his sleep with whoever he says no but then watches it. he must want to sleep with these people why wont he???? should i stop asking???? how do i get over the whole being hurt by relising that he doesnt think i am as attractive as these people???? and how do i know if he is thinking of other people if we have sex???? i never thought i would be hurt by porn. but it hurt because i finally openned my eyes and relised that he doesnt think i am the most beautiful woman in the world, i think he is the most beautiful person in the world..... i really dont want to hurt over this any more.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): Hi Pipp,
Oh dear, oh deary, deary me.... Congratulations on the new baby, it must be so hard for you with two other children to look after as well...
Right the porn thing... I'm sorry but when I read this, I started to laugh, and thinking about the whole thing I keep laughing again. I'm not really laughing at you, but I am laughing at your partner big time, because you've got him very confused and he really doesn't understand what he has done wrong...
Shemales, bisexuals, and gay porn, is outright fantasy, nothing to do with anything that we usually run into. It's like reading a fairy story about unicorns, fairies, witches, and mermaids, nothing to do with real life, and nothing we would ever want to meet. The type of porn your partner likes is actually a testimony for his love and desire for you. He's so in love with you, that it feels like cheating to only look at naked women, or "normal" couples making love. If he wanted to do that, why would he need the porn (he thinks) when you are the best looking woman in the world... I'm laughing again babes, because it is kind of funny...
He looks at these things because they are fantasy, nothing to do with real life loving at all. Can you imagine him with a shemale, or in a homosexual relationship. Don't mention this to him, because a man with three children would suggest to me that he is very much a heterosexual male who would be horrified by such things in real life. It's FANTASY babes, pure unadulterated fantasy, like fairy stories for children, this is the adult equivalent. Not really anything to do with real sex at all..
Do you have fantasies, dreams, and imaginations. Have you ever wanted to be a princess waiting on the prince to rescue you from a dragon. Have you ever wanted to be like Rambo in the jungle, or fly like superman. All imagination, but the reality is cold, loneliness, boredom, and fear. Imagination and fantasy is very different from reality, and most people prefer the reality better.
He doesn't think about shemales, or group sex when he's with you, that would be a total turn off... (sorry I'm laughing) Then you come up to him and tell him to have sex with somebody else, why would he want to do that, when he has a sexy beautiful partner like you at home. I bet when you told him that he looked horrified and he wanted to vomit. Another isn't you, group sex isn't something he could ever want to do. He can't even cheat on you with porn, so he sticks to things that are so extreme that they can only be considered fantasy not real life... :^)
HE LIKES YOU BETTER THAN HE LIKES PORN... HE LIKES YOU BETTER THAN ANY OTHER WOMAN ON THE PLANET.... please understand this, he can't look at women like you because it makes him feel dirty and bad. You are unique, you are at home, so he doesn't need to look for a replacement for you, because nobody else is as sexy as you.
FANTASY BABES, PURE UNADULTERATED FANTASY.. I'm not sure if you two are back to lovemaking or if you need to wait until you are healed from the pregnancy. He has a lot of porn, because variety is the spice of life. It's like having one romance book, or having a library that includes, romance, crime, comedies, biographies, and drama. Just variety, so he can pick and choose what suits his entertainment needs. Could you only watch one film or television programme day after day, no you need variety, you need a selection of things to watch...
Please don't feel bad, and don't feel body conscious, and for heavens sake, please stop trying to send him away to have sex with somebody else.. Your making him scared and frightened, he won't know what to do. He will probably start thinking to himself "funny, maybe she's bisexual and she wants me to arrange a threesome thing." Please stop this, he will hate to share you, and you are confusing him badly, he doesn't know what the hell is going on with you.
As a woman myself, I can understand there are many things in life that can make us doubt our attractiveness and make us feel insecure. But shemales, unicorns, homosexuals, supermen, and mermaids should not be one of the things we worry about. Your feeling unattractive after the baby, but you know you really don't have anything to worry about at all. It's you he loves, you he wants, the porn thing is pure fantasy, but your sexy body, your warm and understanding personality, that is the reality, the thing that he loves, and he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): I watch porn, but I'm selective. I go for the home made stuff which doesn't involve actors and it's nice to see what other techniques I can pick up. It's interesting to see how other women scream and shout when they have an orgasm. I have a particular fetish for watching hugely hung black guys giving white women a good seeing-to.I guess it's the excitement of seeing a woman almost exploding with pleasure, but there's no way I would want any of those black guys to come anywhere near my wife! I don't think I'd be any use to her after she'd experienced one of them!It's just his little escape from reality, but if he watches it incessantly and pays you no attention whatever, then it becomes a problem in your relationship, purely because you're unhappy about it. Tell him how you feel about it and ask him if he wouldn't mind moderating the amount of time he spends watching the stuff.
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