A
female
age
36-40,
*azedandkonfused
writes:I am a 21 year old woman. I have been in a serious relationship for the past 4 years. Well about a year ago I started having feelings that I did'nt understand. I felt neglected because I am always with our children while he goes out clubbing with friends. I kissed his best friend while our 1 year old son was in the hospital@ Christmas and I met up with him at his house a couple of days ago. I feel guilty because it is my bf's best friend and he is married. What should I do? Continue this or forget it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Dear Sir:
I am married for close to seven years and last year, our best friends, another married couple decided we'd have a fun massage session where the men would massage the women and vice-versa.
I felt really guilty and angry the first time watching my husband massaging my best friend and her husband massaging me in the same room.
Over the months, we started to have it about every two weeks and now we do it in different rooms.
We are close to going all the way but we have qualms about that.
My relationship with my husband is more platonic than sexual while my friend's husband has a huge sexual apetite that matches mine.
Similarly, my husband finds her sexual temperament and emotions more to his liking.
What has happened now is that we as a couple have turned tremendously attached to them and are practically like family.
We obessess about them, meet them, hang out with them and it scares us that we've grown so emotionally involved.
When we started out, this was meant to be strictly recreational, but inevitably we seem to have gotten hooked to our weekly or bi-weekly sessions, as we call it.
Do advice and lets get into a debate session on this phenomenon.
Question is have you heard of couples who are best friends who complement each other's lives to this extent.
All four of us appreciate the qualities we see in the other partner.
Is our lives more complete can we hope for a happy ending or a tragic one. Is this lifestyle sustainable. Can we keep the friendship if we ever decided not to be physically involved?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007): no...no..no, for the love of god back away from the man, hes your bfs best friend he should know better and hes married to boot.
your bf is wrong to go out and have fun and leave you at home, he needs to stay at home and let you have time with your friends too. even better you could have someone look after them maybe one night a week and go out together, enjoy time as a couple. talk, go out for a meal QUALITY TIME. CHEATING IS NOT THE ANSWER especially when you have children.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): You are quite young to have kids, no, i am not judging you but i think you need to have a better life than that. He is out clubbing while you are at home and while you child was in hospital. I really feel for you after reading this. You have settled down much too young. I think you have missed out on a lot of your youth. I don't think your relationship sounds very good. Can you put this fling to one side and maybe talk to your fella and get things back on track for the sake of the children? If not, then you need to possibley face a life of being a single mum.But don't cheat behind his back. If it is the end for you two then get it finished and over with.
Do take care and i send you loads of hugs.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Hey
This seems to be a sign that your relationship is not working. I can understand why you feel neglected. But, pursuing a married man, or any man, whilst you are still in your long-term relationship will only make things worse.
If you love your partner then you need to try and see if you can get things to change in the relationship. You have to make it very clear to him that you feel as if things arent working out but that you want things to change because you don't want to give up on it yet. Tell him exactly what you feel is wrong. If given this opportunity, he may, knowing he could loose you, change his behaviour so that you are both happy.
As for his best friend - difficult really. Personally I don't think I could keep that a secret and would have to tell my partner. I say that because I wouldn't like to ever find out that my partner kissed my friend and they both kept it a secret from me. He may be upset but if he he sees that he had led you to feel neglected and he can accept blame then maybe it is something he can forgive and even maybe cause him to try harder in the future and ensure you aren't left feeling so alone again.
I think maybe your confidence and self-esteem have been knocked for feeling neglected for so long, so I do think it is important that you see change in your relationship but if you don't to have the strength to end things. If you don't I think you could end up being unfaithful to your partner out of resentment that he doesn't give you enough attention and you don't want to things to turn nasty like that.
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