| A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: Heres my problem. I’m 20 and still a virgin and haven’t had my first kiss yet. For me personally it isn’t something that I’m purposefully avoiding nor do I have strong feelings about sex. Tbh I just want to get rid of it so I can just move on. Should I tell a potential hookup about this? How would I go about doing so?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2023):
The fact is that women are not like men. Men are programmed to have sex randomly,often and more like commodity using females bodies like commodities. There is nothing glorious of having having sex without love and with a person who doesn't care about you.
For women especialy young girls who are virgins these random encounteres can be hard emotionally and mentally. Women unfortunately have a habit of getting attached to the person who they were intimate with. I wish my mother told me this when I was 20 just like you. Because I told this to my daughter and she avoided many mistakes and broken heart like I made.
The fact you want to get rid of your virginity is quite bizzare to be honest. The right man is out there, just give it more time.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (6 March 2023):
 You have probably got it set in your mind what you are going to do anyway regardless of advice offered here on DC.
I will say that you should hold onto your virginity for as long as possible until you find that special person who you love with all your heart.
Don't give it away to a random who you are more than likely never going to see again.
If you lose your virginity this way i fail to see what changes, and why would you tell a potential hook up just so he can take it from you?.
wait till the time is right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2023): I don't think there's much anyone could say here that will change your mind if you've made up your mind you have to "get rid" of your virginity.
Doing it recklessly and having the wrong state of mind when you do it may cause psychological issues you'll have to deal with in the future.
Leave it alone. You're probably spending too much time on social media and listening to a bunch of screwed-up females who talk a bunch of smack; because they've made bad-choices. It will make them feel better about themselves by pressuring other females to be reckless and stupid. Maybe you're just sitting around comparing your life to that of other young-women; because people always make their lives seem better than they really are. If you're gullible, you'll swallow all that crap you've seen and heard, go do something you'll regret, and end-up on some therapy couch.
Chill, it's only a big deal because you're obsessing on it and making it one.
You're only 20! When the time comes for you to find love, get kissed, and everything else; it will happen as it has for billions of young-women for generations. You won't die of old-age before it happens.
You can rush it, and end-up regretting doing something you didn't have to do; and when you've realized it was a mistake, you've added yet another issue to obsess and suffer over.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 March 2023):
 What is wrong with being a virgin?
Do you think you will all of a sudden become "popular" and met guys if you have sex with some random guy?
TBH, nothing will change about WHO you are being a virgin or not. Except if you are unlucky you might catch something or end up with a pregnancy.
Sex isn't like painting your nails, it MEANS something.
Figure out who you are and who you want to be and eventually, SEX will happen and hopefully with someone you won't REGRET having done it with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2023): Why are you looking at this like some great burden that you have to get rid off or something that you have to tick off a list, just in order to move on with your life? Why not wait for someone hopefully meaningful to come along and then have sex? Believe me, it will be worth it.
Society puts a great deal of pressure on "losing your virginity" but if you ask me, it's just a trap. Let others do what they want, you do you.
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