A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help,At work their is this guy who has been flirting and I've been flirting back, I'm okay with that. But when I wanted to show a friend what he looked like a came across his public Facebook account and found out he has three kids and is married! I was really shocked that this guy got so close to me touching and making excuses to see me when it appears he is happily married. I want to stop the flirting but at the same time I don't want the question to come up as to why I'm now leaving him alone as he will find out that I have been snooping?! Any ideas on how I can back off without him knowing what I've done?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 November 2012):
 I work with a man who is a few years older than I am who is happily married and a HUGE flirt.. he likes to hug me… he calls me skinny now that I have lost tons of weight (he means it as a compliment) and he had to have a supervisor (at my request) speak to him about NOT TOUCHING ME as after I lost all my weight it made me uncomfortable. It’s really innocent with him he has no intentions of anything other than flirtations at work…
Asking you to go to lunch with OTHERS is fine… but don’t’ go alone… (I do go alone with male co-workers but NONE of the ones I go with is the one mentioned above and NONE of the ones I go with are under the impression that it’s anything but a co-worker lunch)
I do think you are overly worried. Just keep saying NO thank you to lunch invitations and if he tries to touch you again (move away) and you don’t feel comfortable telling him NO, then you may have to go to a trusted supervisor…. Also when you tell him NO do not make the excuses that you have to work through since that sounds like you are going to say yes eventually.. Just say “no thanks I have other plans” and leave it at that. And say the same thing every time.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 November 2012):
 I would just stop flirting back. Can be he is a slime-ball, can be this is just who he is (a super flirt) - either way if you find it inappropriate YOU stop. If he doesn't get the hint - I suggest when you are one-on-one with him that you set him straight. As in.. Tell him I don't flirt with married men.
You don't have to explain HOW you know he is married. It's not that that is a State secret lol.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 I think you're worrying for nothing. No need to make a plan, just stop flirting. remain pleasant, but be formal. If he comes right out and asks, as SVC says, just say you found out he was married. If he's dumb enough to ask how, tell him it doesn't matter how and that you don't flirt with married men, even as a joke.
Speak with an air of finality, pleasant but formal and busy (you are at work after all so you can easily find an excuse to excuse yourself).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for all your ideas I may go with the one about getting a boyfriend. Also I did think it might just be innocent but he keeps hugging me and touching my hands and passing comments on how I look, one occasion saying you hair looks nice when its down (to see this he had to look out of his window and into my car).
I recently turn down lunch with him saying I had to work through and have managed to get away with it so far but he keeps seeking me out and finding things for me to come and fix or install in his room.
Thanks again for all your advice
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (20 November 2012):
 Sounds like a slime ball, innocent flirting is fine but touching you and trying to make excuses to see you outside of work, pretty messed up... I would stop flirting back and just remain professional when he tries to flirt with you. Try to avoid him as much as you can, keep answers and conversations short and to the point. If he does ask what gives, you can say as SVC said with "I heard you are married" or if that makes you uncomfortable say you are now seeing someone. Either way he will back off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): First of all he's clearly not happily married otherwise he wouldn't even think to flirt with another woman.
Secondly, no need to be polite, he's been fooling you, so act as disgusted as you can. You wouldn't give a dog a pat on the head for crapping on the carpet would u?
And thirdly, just tell him you enjoy(ed) the bit of "Innocent" fun you had so you thought you would add him as a friend on facebook, that is until you found out he's married with children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): Just jokingly tell him that sources say he is married and has 3 kids and you had no clue!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2012):
How was he flirting?
I'm happily married and I flirt at work all the time... just because I'm flirting does not mean I want to date or have sex with the folks I'm flirting with.
just putting that out there... because while he may actually be a dog looking for something on the side, it could be harmless "sport flirting" to pass the time at work.
as for what to do... just back off... don't respond in kind...and if he asks.. tell him... I heard you were married with children....
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