A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recenlty, my mum told me that the person who I thought was my dad wasnt! Im really upset because I want to Know where I came from and Its become awkward because I dont know what to call the person who I thought was my dad. Also , I want to find out my real dad because My mum doesnt say who he was. All she said was that he was a bad man. I found an address in my mums bedroom and I think its my real dads but Im too scared to go alone and I want to track him down?Whats the Best Place to track him down from? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Ok, I have been in the exactly same situation as you. Who I thought was my real dad, wasn't, but as far as I'm concerned he is the one, who has been there for me since I was a baby, he is a better man than my 'real' dad will ever be.
When I discovered this, I was desperate to find my other family, and even more desperately wanted to know if I had brothers and sisters.
I only found out a couple of years ago, who my real dad was, cos I saw a great uncle in the paper, the report was about him being accused of raping a child.
I said to my mum about it, and she seemed a bit strange about it, cos as far as I was concerned, he was nothing to do with us...but then I guessed, he was my real dad, and mum finally came clean. She felt so ashamed about what happened she never wanted me to know, also he is a right psycho, she didn't want me ever knowing who he was, which is understandable. The truth was he abused my mum when she was a teenager as well as 2 of her younger sisters, as a result I was born.
My burning desire to discover who my real dad was posed lots more issues for me, being he is my uncle and my dad, my brothers and sisters will never know me, but I know them through family functions - how can I spring on them I am their sister?! It wouldn't be fair, considering what they have gone through, our 'dad' is now in prison for a very long time...not long enough as far as I'm concerned.
My feelings on this though, is that, yes we all have a right to know our heritage, and we all should know, but if your mum says your real dad is a bad man, she only wants to protect your feelings, because she is your mother and she loves you.
I had to have counselling about it, but now I've known for 2 years, I've accepted it and I can now deal with it, but sometimes the answer to a question only poses more questions.
Talk to your mum about it, but dont forget the real dad who has been there for you all your life, and has raised and loved you as if you were his 'real' child.
A
male
reader, bcm409 +, writes (27 August 2007):
hey there, u dont say how old you are, i mean im 24, and i have never ever met my real dad, and i politly disagree with the other comments made so far. i have a burning desire to find out who my real dad is, its fundamental about finding ouyt where you come from, its who you are... im sure i dont need to tell you anymore, my mother never told me and still wont, only that he's bad.I totally understand what you are going through, cos i have been going through it all my life. the only difference i notice is that you always thought that your dad is you dad, where as i have always known that my stepdad is just that, a stepdad.My advice is to try everything you can, i wonder bout other family i have, like bro sis etc. im sure you been through these thoughts too.my advice is to keep at it, and i really hope that you have some success.One last point, you may not like him, and end up agreeing with your mum, but I still understand that this is something that you MUST know. But be careful in what you do. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (30 June 2007):
 The person who you thought was your dad is your dad if they have been around for all of your life and treated you like you were their own daughter.
Just because someone else supplied the sperm for your mum to concieve you it does not make them your dad, ok i know biologically it does but surely the person that is there for you counts the most.
When it comes to tracing your biological father then i think you should discuss this with your mum, as there may well be a very good reason as to why she does not want you to know who he is, and if that is the case as much as you probably will not want to, i think it would be best left alone at least until you are 18 and you are an adult and it's your choice.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (30 June 2007):
 Hey babe i half know what you are going through, maybe there is a real reason to why your mum is protecting you from this man. you realy need to sit down wiv ur mum and talk about him, demand you need to know and let her know what u r going to do (try and track him down) mail me if u wanna talk xx x xx x x xx x x
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