A
male
age
36-40,
*port33
writes:Ok sooo... I have known this girl for over a year now... when we first met it was more on a flirty bases and friendly..then it got into..more hanging out about starting to like each other thing. Well we would hang out once a week at least and this went on for about 5 months? Then when it started to get to the point to where it was starting to feel more like a relationship.. her ex moves back in town and she tells me she still has a thing for him. Of course this sucked for me and all the thoughtful things I did for her. Anyway couple months went by and we really didn't talk much... then she breaks up with him because apparently he ignored her a bit lol. Anyway..guess who she comes back to? ME! And i was super hesitant to even consider talking to her again on more then a friends bases but on the day we hung out.. i tried to avoid kissing or even coming close to her face, but she kinda forced one in on me.. and i kind of just went with it. We talked about the whole ex thing and why she so suddenly could push me aside like that...so it made me feel better about everything. Recently we have been hanging out again but this time it involes more making out and stuff like that (no sex) but some clothes off stuff. Anyway.. ive confronted her on the fact it was feeling way more like a reltionship then just friends and she said...yeah.."i like you a lot.. but I'm just not sure what I want right now because i had so many a**hole bf's". So i was ok with that...i let things continue..on what she called us "more then friends" bases. But now after hanging out i get all these thoughts on how i wish it was a relationship...cuz i do sooo many thoughtful things for her and love spending time with her when we can. I just don't know how long I'm suppose to wait this out. On a side not... lately within the last month she has become suddenly busy all the time and we have only gotten to see each other like twice this month... she says shes busy with school and finding a job...but when i message her online..she will ignore me or come up with some excuse on why she didn't reply. She says she misses me all the time, but iunno i just get weird feelings like she could be hanging out with other guy's. I just think..if she has free time..she would want to spend it with me and not other guys.Im just not sure what to do in this situation..sorry this was kinda long..i could have made it a lot longer..hopefully it's understandable too. Hard to describe something you could type forever about.Any help answers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (9 November 2008):
 I think she doesn't feel the same about you as you feel about her. I understand that people are hesitant to get into relationships because of their past but I also know that if you feel the person is "the (right) one" you kind of let the past go.
I believe she isn't convinced you are the one and when that happens I am sorry to say, it is usually very hard to turn that feeling around. Something is holding her back. And now she is distancing herself from you which is a further indication that she is now leaning towards the fact that you are not the right one for her.
It is possible she is seeing others but what's most important here is that she is unable or unwilling to commit to you the way you are ready to commit to her. I honestly think you should pull back a little and see what happens. I'm not suggesting game playing, I'm just saying you should step back, think about what you want and what you feel for her. You will know if she feels anything for you by her response to your stepping back. If she doesn't step forward, you'll know it's time to move on.
Good luck to you. You sound like a very nice man.
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