A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've been seeing this guy for approx 2 months now (physically, more like a month and half because I did some traveling in between). I don't want to pressure him or sound like one of those girls who freak out on little things, but there are times I feel like he just vanished from this world cuz I just can't get a hold of him.I DON'T need nor want to know where he is at every second and what he is doing, but it takes him FOREVER to reply to a text or return a phone call. I do not text/call him multiple times a day, but whenever I do, its usually cuz I have sth to ask or important and it just kills me to wait around for hours to get my answer.He said he is not tech savvy and that he doesn't always have his phone, which I do believe him based on my observations.1. He rarely logs in to his social network sites such as facebook and myspace. Some has been idle for years now while others, weeks to months.2. While I was traveling, we emailed back and forth, but its usually only one email per week.3. There are many times in which I was with him and I either had to help him find his phone (which usually ends up in places like his gym bag that he dumps off in his room since early that morning or in other weird places) or that his phone is DEAD and I had to wait a bit for him to charge it or.....we just simply can't find it and then later finding it in a different location like his work place or car.4. There are times when he is just sitting at home doing nothing and I text/call him, and he would pick up right away or text back right away and the conversation would go on for hours at a time.5. Many times, he would prefer to meet me in person to talk rather than being on the phone.BUT, it still kills me! He is the first and only person I know who is so bad at communicating when we're not face to face that I really don't know what to do. I've so far still kept my cool about it because I know that may be just how he is and that he is usually pretty busy. I told him once how I felt and ever since then, whenever it took him forever to reply, he would apologize, but it just still bugs me, A LOT.Should I bring it up again?And really.....how common is this? do you personally know someone like this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): I think we ought to warn this guy about you! Why are you so insecure that you have to instant access to him all the time. It sounds to me like he is reasonable and rational in his communications with you. You need to examine your need to always have instant access to him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): I think it is definitely worth talking to him about it again. Try not to worry about seeming like you are pressuring him or panicking over nothing. I think you are entirely reasonable in wanting better contact with this guy!
I don't know anyone like this personally. I usually find that most guys this age (if he is the same age as you, that is) are very knowledgeable when it comes to technology, and tend to have their phones attached to them like an extra limb! To be honest, when I started reading your question I suspected that this guy may not be as interested or serious about the relationship as you are. My general belief is that if someone likes you enough, they will do whatever it takes to stay in contact with you, and that there will be no way they would leave their phone somewhere, not charge it, or not check it for messages.
But after reading all of your question, from what you have said it does sound like he likes you a lot. He just genuinely and truly does sound quite disorganised, and obviously isn't as into the technical side of life as some people are. So I think as long as the relationship is going okay in other areas, as annoying as it must be at least you can be a bit reassured that he does very much seem to like you.
But I agree with you, the crazy contact you are having is not very pleasant in a relationship! So definitely, try and talk to him about it again. It might take him some time to try and become a bit more organised, and he may always be a bit bad with communication via text and e-mail. But hopefully, if he understands how much you would appreciate a bit more effort from him with this, it might encourage and motivate him to try and improve things. I hope this helps, good luck! x
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