A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just split up with my boyfriend of 4 years. We had a very close relationship and although he thought everything was fine, I wasn't happy.This was yesterday.As he was my first proper boyfriend, I don't really know how I am supposed to handle this situation. He is still in love with me, and I think he will want to call me quite a lot still. Do I 'owe' him this seeing as I did call it off quite suddenly and pretty much crushed and broke his heart. We do get on really well and can talk for hours about anything. Or is it better if I distance myself from him and tell him we shouldnt be friends. I don't want to pity him but I don't want to be cold-hearted either because I do still care about him. I am just not sure where to go from here....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): yes.
i just went through a break up and i wish i had known that from the beginning. tell him you want to be friends, but in 3 months. explain to him that it will hurt him less this way. don't answer his calls, leave a party if he is there, and delete any and all messages that he sends to you. make it clear to him that you are doing this.
if you stay friends this soon, it will end up badly. he will be fooling himself, and he will crash often.
A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 I think that you need to keep some distance, for now. Trying to maintain a friendship with all the usual trappings could easily mislead him into believing that a reconciliation might be in the works. If you are sure that you want to remain separated, I would recommend keeping your distance for at least a few weeks (maybe longer). If you are interested in trying to rebuild a friendship level, approach it at a later date -- his wounds are too fresh and too deep to deal with it as anything other than the though of reconciliation.
After some time has passed, then you will be able to more objectively look at your past and think clearly if there is something left to convert to a friendship.
Best of luck -- sometimes we know what's best for us but have a harder time sticking to our convictions. Be cautious of this.
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