A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a 6 year old son by another woman. When I came into the picture there was hardly a bond between them which I was not surprised at, he only saw the child twice a year and spoke on the phone with him. I felt this burning resentment towards the child, it was torture in my head really. I wanted my own family, not some kid and the mother on the side and also money going towards this kid just angered me. My boyfriend has now disowned his child and I really am apart of that decision he made, I kept on at him about having a child and how it effected me. Looking back on it I slowly manipulated the situaton. I like to say in my defence he didn't tell me had a child till three months into the relationship, we broke up for a week but I took him back as I had feelings by then. He did not tell me as I made it clear I wouldn't want date a man with children. Part of me feels really ashamed but there really is no guilt there, I do not care about that child. It never should have been born. Now I am just worried about when it gets older and it comes looking for my boyfriend, I do not want my future kids to know he exists. I know I am a horrible, selfish person. , Strange thing is that I am still not happy, I still hate the fact he had a child in the first place and I won't go through all the first with him. So I guess it will always be a problem in my head
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 If you can't handle that he has baggage you should have never gotten into the relationship in the first place. Even if he has disowned that child, there is no denying that is his son, he will always be a part of him. I do hope the mother goes after him for child support, so no matter what there will be $ going to his son until he's 18.
Sounds like you're just looking for a pity party.
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (22 November 2010):
You make a great pair and I think you deserve each other.
You are clearly selfish, insecure and manipulative. He is obviously completely spineless and an appalling parent if he lets a short term girlfriend influence his relationship with his child. The two of you are made for each other.
If your bf did want to see his son again, he could go through the courts if he really cared. It doesn't sound like he is that sort of person. I would be very wary of having a child with a man like that no matter how much you love him. His behaviour is surely enough of an indicator to put massive doubts into your mind.
He will never forget about the son, and vice versa. In time one or the other of them will seek the other one out.
Re. the money going to this child, what do you think is going to happen if the mother files for him to pay child support? Not much you can do about that situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): OP what's done is done, besides what you may have done, like another poster said, do you really want to be with a guy that will so easily dump his child?
Is love really worth the kind of future this guy can give you? A guy who was given the most important job any guy can be given, that of a father, and he failed completely. Look being jealous of your lover having someone else's child is normal. But the way you acted, the way you consider that little person as merely a burden on you that you wish didn't exist is disgusting.
You have to seriously consider why you acted this way and no it wouldn't be karma if he did it you too, it would be disgusting and horrible, and not something you deserve at all. Because at the end of the day that's his child you made him choose and he chose you. He's the bad person, that child is his. If a woman asked me to do what you asked him I'd tell her to go f**k herself and never talk to her again.
Your real problem lies far deeper than just this issue, you know this relationship is going to be filled with heart ache, you're already confused and frustrated, you made him choose and now you're stuck knowing that not only is a child going to grow up without a father but now you're stuck with a guy that will never step up to the plate when you need him most.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): I am the OP. I guess it wasn't really a question, maybe I do want people to call me horrible? Like another poster said, I got what I wanted and I am still not happy. If I did have children with my boyfriend and he left, I would consider it karma and wouldn't be surprised. Love is making me stay and also guilt, guilt that I pressed this issue and if I left what was it for??? Its unlikely he be able to see that child again after telling the mother he didn't want too any more.
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Wow. The child is SIX and has done NOTHING to you. How could you think that the child shouldn't exist? He has every right to and you know what, forcing your boyfriend to disown his own flesh and blood will have consequences. He can still be forced to pay child support and medical bills even if he doesn't visit or talk to his son. The worst part is, you're not the real bad guy in this situation-your boyfriend is. Any parent who can abandon a child for the sake of someone else is simply vile. If he did this for you, what's to say he won't abandon the kids you have with him for another woman? Every child needs/deserves a father and I can understand a woman feeling jealous that she didn't have a man's first child or upset at being in second place in the man's life-but why take it to such an extreme? Why? I feel sorry that you have no conscience about this and sorrier still for this child you have robbed. All I can say is, you got what you wanted right? So get on with your life if you have no plans to undo this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): What's your question? You go into this big long explanation how you ruined a father/child relationship and don't give a shit about it. For what?
Seriously did you just write that load of nonsense so people would tell you horrible you are or what?
You didn't ask a question, you seem perfectly happy being a family wrecker, you assume you can live happily ever after with a guy who will probably grow to resent you, a guy that would just as easily leave any kids you have for another woman should she ask. What's the problem? What advice are you looking for?
Nothing of what you said makes any sense at all. Come back when you actually have a question, something that we can help you with. Or post in the articles section if you want to describe the pros and cons of being insanely jealous of a little child that has done nothing wrong to you except existing in the first place. An article about how great it is to be cruel to young children because of petty incomprehensible jealousy and how the world should revolve around you and work the way you want it to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): You had my sympathies until you said ' It never should have been born'
Who are YOU to decide who should be born or not??!! If you do not want to date a man who has a child, then find someone single and unattached and without a child!
Also, what goes around comes around. And for you basically manipulating your bf into disowning a child may come back to bite you in the arse, when he leaves you and your kids without a penny. Taking a parent away from a child is perhaps one the worst things a human can do.
Shame on you.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (22 November 2010):
You are right in the fact that you have acted selfishly and should be ashamed from making your boyfriend disown his son.Admittedly he was wrong to keep it secret from you initially, but I can see why as you stated your intentions. But what happened before you two met has happened - and he has a son.He has every right to want to see his son and put money towards his upbringing even if it is only twice a year. And later in life, if the child wants to find his dad, then he is entitled to.In a way I feel sorry for you as it seems you like this man but are in a situation that you will never be happy in because you want him all to yourself with no outside interference.You accept it will always be a problem in your head and I think it will lead to problems further down the line.You either have to accept the situation as it is and accept he has a child who he is entitled to keep contact with or you go your separate ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): You got rid of it, and now you can't stop thinking about it. The child is out of his life, you got what you wanted even if I think that was really , evil of you, it is done and so you need to stop complaining and thinkin gabout it.
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